The unbearable heaviness of over-performing

Every coin has a flip side, every sword has its double edge.

And there's definitely a shadow side to being a high performer.

If you, like me, are someone who achieves a lot,

who tends to excel,

who rises in the ranks,

who was early on designated “gifted” and “talented,”

who can and does succeed in all kinds of venues and endeavors?

Here's our flip side, the sword edge that easily turns against us:

A gif of a woman with a serious face saying You Have To Absolutely Win.

On the other side of a high performing tendency is enormous pressure not only to achieve, but to win. 

Over here, there's no room for experimenting. Only excelling.

There's no allowance for trying and failing, only for triumph and flourishing.

There's no space for fucking around, and making mistakes, and figuring shit out as we go along, or - gods forbid - changing our minds & backing out.

Winning is the only option. 

Which means it's not an option at all.

It's an imperative.

And we've lived with it for so long - what, since we won the spelling bee? Landed the solo? Led the team to State? - that we're used to the crushing pressure.

But here's what I find happens, in our adulthood.

We've experienced a lot of the harmful side effects of high performing.

And so instead of letting this pressure to Only Ever Win crush ourselves, we let it crush our dreams instead.

We don't write the book, so there's no pressure for the book to be a bestseller.

We don't launch the new offer, so there's no pressure for the offer to wildly succeed.

We don't embark on the new career, so there's no pressure to thrive, easily and immediately.

We don't try, so there's no pressure to win-no-matter-what.

It seems that this way, the sword of high-performing can't cut down our self-esteem . . . but in slicing right through our potential, it does exactly that.

What we need, then, is NOT to stall and shy away from our ideas.

What we need is to relieve the pressure to Only Ever Win.

Try it here. Think about That Thing you've been wanting to do, and just for a moment imagine:

It doesn't have to impress everyone.

It doesn't have to be flawless.

It doesn't have to immediately turn a profit.

I can always change my mind.

No matter what happens, I will learn and grow.

Alleviate the pressure, and no one gets crushed.

love,

Natalie