Spells for Deepening Gratitude

This week in the U.S., we’re celebrating Thanksgiving.

It’s a holiday with deeply problematic origins,

but I’m drawn to the ideals of

gathering and sharing and giving thanks.

I have collected (just for you) a trio of short spells

to help you honor the good in your life,

see the lessons you’ve learned from the bad,

and step into gratitude on a daily basis.

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Mentioned:

My website, nataliekmiller.com, where you can sign up to get notified when the Time Witchery planner makes its debut.

Make Magic:

These three spells work best when used consistently.

A gratitude mindset can transform your life

in a ton of positive ways, but it doesn’t always come easy.

Treat it like a practice, give yourself grace,

and you’ll see how good it can be.

Transcript: Spells for Deepening Gratitude

Natalie Miller: Welcome to Mind Witchery. I’m your host, Natalie Miller, and I’m so glad you’re here. 

Hello, my friend. This week, I am recording from a very full house. For Thanksgiving holiday, my sister and her kids and her partner are all here staying with us, and so it's lots of dogs and lots of tweens and teens, and it's wonderful. So, it's very possible that a bark or a child needing something, a squeaky floor up above me will come through on the recording, and that's just what it is here. We're living in abundance.

And, yes, I have decided this year on United Statesian Thanksgiving to release spells for deepening your gratitude. Is this a little cheesy? Yeah, it is. But it's really what I've been thinking about lately. And I don't have to tell you that Thanksgiving is such a problematic holiday [laugh] as, it turns out, I have learned in my adulting life, most holidays are. 

Thanksgiving, of course, is built on lies about how the colonization of the land that we now call the United States sort of happened. And because two things are true at the same time, it is also one of our rarely, like, not religious and not explicitly patriotic holidays. I actually love Thanksgiving because, in my own experience, it really does feel like a time that is about abundance and sharing. 

Now, again, more than one thing is true at the same time. Does Black Friday pervert that? Yes. And, at the same time, I love that we are in this season thinking about one another; thinking about gifts for one another; thinking about getting together with one another—and that, at least in theory and, OK, not in actual history and maybe not always in practice, but that we have a holiday that is about sharing and gathering and giving thanks. 

I would love to step into that more fully and more intentionally, not the least of because—is that a phrase? I don’t know [laugh]—especially because gratitude is really fucking helpful. Gratitude is such an amazing antidote to worry and negativity and scarcity mindset. Like, gratitude, it's actually clinically shown that when people do gratitude practices, they have less inflammation and pain in their bodies; fewer symptoms of depression; an easier time managing anxiety; better sleep; better relationships. Like, the list of benefits to gratitude really go on and on. 

There's another study—this is really interesting, especially if you get a bit dismayed by the Black Friday-ness of this time of year. I also found studies that show that when we practice gratitude, two things happen. One, we are less likely to focus on and indulge materialistic pursuits and impulses. And we are more likely to give to charity, and to give more generously to charity.

I mean, this makes complete and total sense and, still, it surprised me. Oh, right, gratitude isn't just about feeling good. Gratitude is also about doing good; being good. Yeah?

Now, of course, there's a version of gratitude that is very, like, printed on a throw pillow you might find at Marshalls [laugh] or TJ Maxx. Right? [laugh] There's a shallow prayer hands kind of version of gratitude that is definitely a thing, and so that's why I wanted to come to you today with three spells or three questions you can ask that will really deepen your felt sense of gratitude. 

I would be, like, so honored if you brought these to your own gatherings and your families, really, to sort of show that gratitude isn't just a surface-level acknowledgement or thank you. It's not a special occasion or a #blessed [laugh] kind of practice. Really, it can be deeply meaningful and deeply nourishing. Right?

So, three quick spells. Number one, I invite you to not just stop at what you're grateful for but to go into why, why you are grateful for that. Right? So, I am grateful that my partner pretty much manages our dog outdoor time. [laugh] He's amazing. 

He takes them out in the morning. He takes them out at night. He kind of knows Kevin's potty schedule. He just, like, handles that, and I'm so grateful that he is attending to those doggos. And why? Because I am stretched pretty thinly in the caregiving department. I'm thinking about my kids' schedules. I'm thinking about my clients. I'm thinking about him, of course, like.

So, when I really think about why is that so nice, it's like, wow, it's a place where I get to relax, and trust that these fur balls are taken care of. And why is it so wonderful to trust—oh, my gosh—and especially for me to trust a romantic partner? Because that is deeply healing for me, to be cared for by my partner in that specific way. Like, it's not just nice and convenient; it's healing for me. Yeah?

One more "why." I'm also grateful because I have a sense of partnership in this household. Like, we are doing this thing together, and that feels so supported, and it has so much strength and integrity. Yeah? 

So, what are you grateful for? But then why, really getting in there, and embroidering, and elaborating upon why you're grateful, so that you can expand the effect, right, so that [laugh] every time this man takes the dogs out to pee in the cold, I can go, "Oh, my gosh, this is partnership. This is support. This is healing for me." And that gratitude gets to ripple through that moment. OK. So, spell number one to deepen your gratitude, what are you grateful for and why? Why? 

OK. Spell number two, this one is the heaviest lift, but it has a big payoff. So, for the second spell, instead of looking at what is obviously lovely and great and helpful, the second spell says, OK, look at a challenge that you've faced, and what are you grateful for in that? 

So, what's something that you've overcome? What's something that you've gotten through? What's something that you really didn't want to happen but, now here on the other side of it, you can appreciate, you can give more value to having been through that experience? Yeah?

It's kind of like sifting for the gold out of a muddy experience. So, importantly, this is not about gilding or sugarcoating something, right? It's not about saying, like, "I'm so glad that terrible thing happened to me." No, not at all. 

But it is about going back into a challenging or unwelcome experience, and saying, "OK, most of that really sucked, and here was a little nugget of gold I got. Here was a lesson. Here was a bit of clarity. Here was a deeper self-understanding. Here's what good came out of that shitty situation." 

And gratitude researchers have actually looked at this practice of looking back at a negative experience or a negative event. When we look back at it, and we kind of comb it for the pearls of wisdom, the seeds of understanding, when we sift for this gold, we do build a psychological flexibility, and we do get to take advantage of, to incorporate the wisdom, the strength, the clarity that became available through that experience. 

So, like I told you, it's a heavy lift. But if you're up for it, and you'd really love to deepen your practice of gratitude, looking toward what is unwelcome, and finding that little seed, the little nugget of goodness and growth, that will also really deepen your practice of gratitude. 

OK. Third and last, how about if gratitude is not something that we just do at the Thanksgiving table but how about it is something that is built into your day? So, this is a household practice of mine. I do this with my kids. I do this with my partner. I think I've mentioned it before, but I'll repeat it here because I credit this practice with such a fundamental orientation toward possibility and hope and abundance mindset.

So, here's the practice. I end every day asking my beloveds and myself, "What was the best part of your day?" So, I know a lot of people have a practice where it's like your rose and your thorn, and something like a bud, something that's growing. And I think that's beautiful, also, and important, right, to acknowledge all of these different aspects of our days and lives. 

And, at the same time, ending the day, really going back and saying, "What was the best part of my day? Like, what was good today?" it is so helpful in so many ways—number one, for deepening gratitude. It's like, "Oh, gosh, that like walk that we took together, where we talked about our plans for the holidays, like, that felt great like in our bodies, and I loved connecting with you, and the weather was so nice. And, yeah, that was like good living, right there."

It helps us to go back and gather more of again the abundance from that experience. It also starts to, over time, show you what you like; what helps; what makes life actually worth living. If again and again and again and again, it's like, you know, dinner was great, it's like, hey, then dinner together, where we actually talk, and eat well, that's really important. 

Or if you realize, like, whew, my morning routine is like the best part of my day, cool, now you know what you might want to expand. So, that end-of-day question—what was the best part of your day?—that's one of my favorite ways to just incorporate gratitude practice into everyday life.

Oh, I just have to tell you. So, if you are interested in another way to incorporate gratitude and appreciation into everyday life, coming very, very, very soon is my planner. It is called Time Witchery. I am so excited to share it with you. It'll be coming out so very soon here in December 2022. 

Time Witchery puts in a daily planner my personal self-coaching practice, the practice that has infused my own life with so much power and magic. This has been a dream of mine for a long time, to create something like this, and it's finally happening. I'm making it happen.

And gratitude and appreciation is baked right into the way that Time Witchery works magic for you. So, if you want to stay aware of Time Witchery's release, just be on my mailing list. 

You can go to nataliekmiller.com. You'll see me in a red dress [laugh], looking very witchy. And right underneath me is a little box where you can sign on to receive mostly my Sunday Letter that I send every Sunday, and then also here and there announcements, such as the availability of Time Witchery for purchase.

All right, my love. I hope that one of these spells has piqued your interest, and gotten you excited about deepening your practice of gratitude. I send you big love in this really complicated [laugh], roller coaster-y time of year. And I'll be back with you next week. Thanks so much for listening. Bye for now. 

Thank you for listening to this episode of Mind Witchery. To catch all the magic I’m offering, please subscribe to the show, or if you want a little bit of weekly witchiness in your inbox, sign up for my Sunday Letter at mindwitchery.com. If today’s episode made you think of a friend or loved one, your sister, your neighbor, please tell them about it. We need more magic-makers in this troubled world. 

Like all good things, this podcast is co-created by stellar people. Our music is by fabulous DJ, artist, and producer, Shammy Dee. Our gorgeous art is by the sorcerers at New Moon Creative. Mind Witchery is produced in conjunction with Particulate Media, K.O. Myers, executive producer. And I am Natalie Miller. Till next time. 

End of recording