A Spell to Expand Your Capacity for Change

In order to live on purpose,

actively and consciously and purposefully

cocreating our reality, it helps immensely

to evolve our relationship with change.

Embracing change takes time,

and a lot of our precious energy,

but this spell will help you see

that you are already changing, and

it doesn’t have to be scary.

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Mentioned:

Episode 34 of Mind Witchery: A Spell to Stop Catastrophizing

Make Magic:

Whatever unfulfilling situation you’re in,

keep in mind that it is not the same

as it was when it began.

It has changed, and so have you.

The worst-case scenario isn’t

what happens when you move on;

it’s the passive, reactive acceptance of

the status quo you’re already living.

Transcript: A Spell to Expand Your Capacity for Change

Natalie Miller: Welcome to Mind Witchery. I’m your host, Natalie Miller, and I’m so glad you’re here. 

Hello, my love. I have such a fun idea [laugh], that is, I am recording a little miniseries for you, a succession of episodes about expanding our capacities. This idea, expanding capacities, is something that I heard about years ago—I don’t know—on someone else's podcast. I really can't even remember where it was now. 

And I loved the concept of it that, here I am, going through my human life, and I have this much capacity for focus, or that much capacity for risk, or this much capacity for responsibility, or that much capacity for visibility. This is how much I got. And what I want to do is to expand that, so it's not necessarily that I am becoming more focused or visible or whatever. It is that I am able to, should I choose. 

I just loved that idea, and it's something that I have kind of semi-consciously been working on this year for my own self. I say "semi-consciously" because I did set the intention but then I sort of forgot about it. 

And now, here we are, it is the fall of 2022, and I cannot believe how much I'm doing and how easefully, and what size of chances I'm taking and bets I'm making on myself, and how trustingly—and I want this for you. I want to help you also to expand your capacity to live on purpose. And, so, that is what these next mini episodes are about: expanding our capacities.

And we'll start today with a foundational capacity to expand: your capacity for change. This is foundational because in order to live on purpose, meaning, to live in a way that is aligning with our values, and is orienting toward our desires, not living in a way where we are rolling with the punches and just constantly reacting to what's around us but, rather, in a way that we are cocreating our reality, cocreating actively and consciously and purposefully rather than cocreating in a passive kind of life is happening to me sort of way. So, if we want to live on purpose, it helps immensely to evolve our relationship with change. 

All right. So, here is the spell. This is actually one of the first spells I ever found [laugh] for myself. Here it is. Everything is always changing, and so am I. Also, you can flip that into I am always changing, and so is everything else.

So, that may not sound immediately like ground-breaking or earth-shattering to you. Maybe, like, yeah [laugh], which I get. But our mammalian, still-evolving human selves do not love change. I think we like the idea of change or the fantasy of change. But the actuality of change is, for a couple of reasons, undesirable to us. 

So, for one, change takes more energy and specifically more brain power, and our mammalian selves do not like that. So, here's an example that helps me understand this. If you are walking or driving to your regular grocery store, you're just going to get groceries where you always go to get groceries, you don't have to pay very much attention at all to the route. 

You've traveled enough—it's been consistent enough—that you know it. You know where you're going to turn. You know how you're going to get there. And, so, on the way to your local grocery, you might very easily be able to listen to a podcast or talk on the phone—handsfree, of course. 

You might be even thinking about a work email, or thinking about a household issue. You don't really have to concentrate on the way because you know it. You've consistently gone that way for a long time. It does not take very much energy.

But if you're driving to a grocery for the first time in a town that's unfamiliar, you probably won't be able to talk on the phone or listen to a podcast or work out a problem in your head. You'll be paying close attention to the turns and the directions. And [laugh] I saw a meme the other day that was like, "Hold on, I have to turn down the music so I can see better." But it is kind of like that, right? Like, it takes more energy, and so we expend more and more concentrated energy on the same task.

So, in that kind of very basic energetic accounting, the familiar takes less energy to navigate than the unfamiliar. However, our sweet human mammalian selves do not take into account how much energy it takes to navigate an undesirable situation, like a relationship that just isn't working anymore, or a job that you have outgrown. Situations that go against our values, or situations in which we don't feel free to do as we please, or situations that don't evolve with us, that aren't evolving in the same direction that we ourselves are evolving, all of those, even if familiar, take an enormous amount of energy to navigate. 

And this is where it's important to remind ourselves that those situations—the job; the relationship—they are not the same now as they were in the beginning. And you, yourself, are not the same now as you were in the beginning because everything is always changing, and so are you. And you are always changing, and so is everything else. 

Now, when we shift from fantasizing about a change, like, oh, wouldn't it be amazing if I just left this relationship? What would I do? Where would I go? Who else might be out there? That kind of dreaming and fantasizing about change, for many but not all of us, is pretty easy to do. 

But when we begin to get more serious about actually making the change, leaving the unfulfilling relationship, for example, that consistency-loving part of ourselves will serve up plate after plate of fear. But what if you end up alone? What if you never find someone else? What if you won't be able to support yourself? What if you get sick, and no one will take care you, and you die alone? What if there is not a person in this world who makes you happy? 

In other words, the consistency-loving part of us basically says, "Look at all of these worst-case scenarios." And, P.S., for that kind of what-if thinking, if that really resonated for you, finish this episode, and then go listen to Episode 34, which is A Spell to Stop Catastrophizing, which is a lovely companion to this piece today.

All right. So, your mind might do a similar thing if you are thinking about leaving a job that you've really outgrown. You're not—there's a thing you've been doing for money, and you don't want to do it anymore. Well, what if I can't make any money the other way? What if I can't find another job? What if my new job is just as bad as my old job? What if my new boss is even worse than my current boss? What if I try to go out on my own, and I fail? What if I end up with crushing debt, and no prospects, and a hole in my résumé, and nowhere to live, and nothing to eat? laugh] 

It's a quick slippery slope to the very worst-case scenario and, again, that's the consistency-loving, energy-efficient part of our mind that is saying, "Whoa, change? Very dangerous." And, yet, again, everything is always changing. 

The job has changed. The company's not what you thought it was, or the offer worked for a while but now it doesn't. The job and I have changed in opposing directions—or I'm always changing. I've changed, and I don't fit in this same relationship that I've had. The relationship has changed. I've changed. We've diverged. It's not working. It's not complementary anymore. 

Change is always happening. Everything is always changing. I'm always changing. You're always changing. She and he and they are always changing. And the consistency-loving part of our brain isn't acknowledging that. 

It's almost as if that drive to the grocery store, like now there are enormous potholes in that road, and the street lights no longer work, and the stop sign, someone ran it over so you have to be really careful at the intersection so you don't get smashed. And, yeah, you know that route to the store but it takes an enormous amount of energy for you to travel it because it's changed, and not in your favor. Yeah?

Something important to understand about expanding our capacity for change, for initiating change, for evolving on purpose in the direction we want to go, not in a reactive way but in a proactive way, is this—and hold onto your hat for this one, my love, because, it is, it's huge. In these situations where we've changed, the situation has changed, and it's no longer working, we are already living the worst-case scenario. Hmm? So, here's what I mean.

If I'm in a relationship, a romantic relationship that is not working anymore, and I don't want to leave it because I'm afraid I'm going to end up alone, the reality is I'm already alone. I'm alone inside the relationship. I am already living a version of the worst-case scenario. It's happening right now. I'm living it. 

Let's look at the job example. I'll give you a very personal example on this front because I was in a job that just was not working anymore. My values and the values of the company had diverged. My role was evolving in a direction that I did not want to go. 

And, at the time, I was actually going through so much personal change, like, you name the front [laugh], family, health, I mean, you name the front, I was going through a lot of change there, and I did not want to proactively change my work situation, because that consistency-loving part of myself was saying, "Well, at least it's a steady paycheck and, yeah, the leaders are really problematic but, you know, you kind of know how to deal with them and, obviously, you can survive it. And, yeah, you're doing the work of three people but, you know, you can. It's doable."

So, despite what my consistency lover was saying to me, the reality was I felt completely powerless in that position. I was flooded with negative emotions [laugh], like really. I was experiencing wave after wave of exhaustion, and frustration, and criticism, and annoyance, and sadness, and all of the kinds of emotions that come to say, "Hey, something's wrong. Something's not working here."

And, so, while my consistency lover was saying, "Listen, the worst-case scenario is that you won't have a job, meaning, you won't have the power to make money." But what my consistency lover didn't see is that my power to make money was eroding by the day in this position. My confidence, my health, my self-respect, it was eroding by the day as I stayed weathering wave after wave of negativity.

I was already living the worst-case scenario. I did not have the power to make money. I did not have the means to support myself. When we are living in that place, that place where things have changed or we, ourselves have changed, or all of it has changed, but we're hanging on or we are pretending or we are avoiding really stepping full-foot into our power to change on purpose, when we are not in our power, that is the worst-case scenario. It really is.

And I know that the mind says, "No, no paycheck is the worst-case scenario." But I will tell you right now that paychecks, those come and go. Paychecks are not as guaranteed as your mind would have you believe. Some of my entrepreneurial clients may have something that they do for money or some offer that they sell that they really don't like, and they're like, "Oh, but at least it brings in money." 

However, if you aren't into it anymore, I know it's bringing in less and less money as the days and weeks and months go by. I know that it costs you energetically more and more to deliver it as the days and weeks and months go by. Everything is always changing, and so are you. You are always changing, and so is everything else. And sometimes that change is a withering. It's an atrophy. Sometimes, that change is a congestion. It's a frustrating. 

So, yes, this thing that I've had for a long time, this relationship, this job, this offer, it's changed. And for us to expand our capacity for change, to really step into our power to effect change, our power to change on purpose, again, in that proactive way, where it all begins is simply being willing to see and acknowledge and affirm the changes that we are seeing and feeling.

All right. So, that is your first capacity-expanding spell. Expanding our capacity for change; affirming the reality that everything is always changing. Change is the only constant and, happily, we ourselves get to change. We get to change. We get to evolve as our situations evolve, as we discover, wow, that's not what I thought it would be or, hmm, this is going a direction I don't prefer. 

We get to step in, and we get to make changes too. Of course, the more real those changes get, the closer we get to effecting them to actually making them, the more the consistency lover in us will pump the brakes with all of the potential worst-case scenarios. And, yet, if you are in the place where changes have happened that have been disempowering for you, if you are not able to be in your power to live on purpose, to exist at choice, to do what you really want, then you are already living a version of the worst-case scenario. 

So, that little collection [laugh] of thoughts is what's necessary to help you expand your capacity for change, so I invite you to apply these ideas wherever it is in your life that you're feeling stuck or frustrated or a lot of dread or despair or worry, basically, wherever it is that you have forgotten your power. Wherever that is, I invite you to apply these ideas. Everything's always changing, and so am I. I am always changing, and so is everything else. And this is a version of the worst-case scenario. Apparently, I can handle the worst-case scenario, so why not go for something better?

All right, my love, stay tuned for a next capacity-expanding spell. I hope you are as excited about this series as I am. Thank you so much for listening. Bye for now.

Thank you for listening to this episode of Mind Witchery. To catch all the magic I’m offering, please subscribe to the show, or if you want a little bit of weekly witchiness in your inbox, sign up for my Sunday Letter at mindwitchery.com. If today’s episode made you think of a friend or loved one, your sister, your neighbor, please tell them about it. We need more magic-makers in this troubled world. 

Like all good things, this podcast is co-created by stellar people. Our music is by fabulous DJ, artist, and producer, Shammy Dee. Our gorgeous art is by the sorcerers at New Moon Creative. Mind Witchery is produced in conjunction with Particulate Media, K.O. Myers, executive producer. And I am Natalie Miller. Till next time. 

End of recording