A Spell to Expand Your Capacity for Hope

Negativity is a POWERFUL force.

Our brains prioritize it, focus on it,

obsess over it, in so many ways.

How can we cultivate hope for the future

when our minds are telling us

there’s nothing but bad in the crystal ball?

This simple but powerful spell holds the key.

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Mentioned:

Tarot phenom and podcaster Lindsay Mack.

Episode 23 of Mind Witchery: A Spell For Surpassing Your Upper Limit

Make Magic:

When you need to get (or keep) your hopes up,

consciously cultivating positivity

is the best deterrent to the negativity bias

that comes pre-loaded in our brains.

Ask yourself: “what’s working for me now?”

Record and review the answers, and you’ll

be better equipped to let go of fear in favor of hope.

Transcript: A Spell to Expand Your Capacity for Hope

Natalie Miller: Welcome to Mind Witchery. I’m your host, Natalie Miller, and I’m so glad you’re here. 

Hi. I am so happy that you are here. I am doing right now a series on expanding our capacities. So, if you missed the first one of these, it was last week. It was a spell for expanding our capacity for change, meaning, for living on purpose, for stepping into the ever-changing world that we live in, that we're co-creating, in a purposeful way, like, changing on purpose; not just kind of letting changes happen in our lives but rather, like, making changes happen in our lives.

And, so, today's spell—and the capacity that I want to help us all expand today is super complementary, and that is this—today's spell is a spell for expanding our capacity for hope—for hope. And why? Because if we do want to make changes, if we want to move in the direction that we want to go, hope is so vital for helping to buoy us, for helping us to move more lightly and in a more inspired fashion in the direction that we want to go. 

Hope helps us move toward "this is what I want. This is what could be possible. This is what might—might—just might be available to be," rather than to move away from "this is what I don't want. This is what I'm sick of. This is what I'm tired of." So, expanding our capacity for hope is what really allows us to tap into creativity and positivity and an awareness of all that's possible, all that's available to us. A really deep resourcefulness, actually, comes with hope. 

Now, here's the thing. So, last week, when I was talking about expanding our capacity for change, I pointed out that we humans don't really love change. [laugh] We like the idea of change, but the actuality of change is energy-consuming, and so our mammalian, our evolved brains are not super fans of making big changes. We prefer to be energy-efficient and comfortable, and so we like what we know, and we tend to resist actually creating changes.

So, another tendency that we humans have that also contributes to our, like, staying where we are or not really stepping toward hope and possibility is our negativity bias. And I want to explore with you negativity bias in a little bit more depth, just so that we can really understand how it affects us, and why it's so important to actively expand our capacity for positivity and for hope.

OK. So, negativity bias basically means that we humans have a tendency to see the negative and weight the negative more than the positive. I think you've heard of this probably. So, it's that thing where you get feedback, and there's eight compliments, and then one person who didn't like one thing, and what really stands out and sticks out to you is that one negative remark rather than all of the positive remarks. And I want to talk to you a little bit about what the research shows about what's happening there.

So, the first part is that for our minds, negative events, negative feedback, the negative is stored very quickly, so we sort of process it and then we bank it in long-term memory much more quickly and readily than we process and store positive information. It's almost like the positive information sort of washes over us, but the negative information gets caught by the filter, and then deposited directly into our store of long-term memory. So, not only does our brain perk up, like, especially the amygdala fires when there is negative information or negative experience but also that negative experience is stickier in our minds. 

Here's another thing, another aspect of negativity bias. There's something called negativity dominance, which means that when there are positive and negative, when there's a blend of positive and negative, our interpretation of the whole skews towards negative. [laugh] And, actually, I experience this sometimes when I'm reading an Airbnb review set, right? 

So, here I am, looking for an Airbnb. I read the reviews because I am that woman—I'm going to be reading the reviews—and it's like, "It was great." "It was comfortable." "The host was so nice, da-da-da-da-da." And then there's one negative review, one person who's like, "I don’t know. The bathroom was dirty." And even though 17 people have said how lovely this place was, that one person saying "the bathroom is dirty" makes me take the average, right, the mean down. I'm like, phew, overall, I don’t know. [laugh] Yeah?

And, listen, this is not necessarily a bad thing, and I think this is really important, right? We can begin to apply our tendency toward negativity even toward negativity bias itself. Negativity bias makes sense. It's trying to keep us safe and, at the same time, negativity bias is overdone. It's in overdrive. And in trying to keep us safe, it often just keeps us stuck. 

OK. So, we've got negativity bias. We've got negativity dominance. One more factor here that I wanted to tell you about—I found this to just be so true. I read this and was like, "It me, it me"—and that is called the negative gradient. So, the negative gradient sort of describes the emotional slope that we are on, and so the negative gradient says that when something is upcoming, our negative anticipation—meaning our anxiety, our fear, our thinking about what might go wrong, our nervousness—amps up far more steeply than our positive anticipation. 

Have you all experienced this? I often have a pre-vacation or pre-retreat dread. Do you know what I'm talking about? It's like I've been looking forward to going away. I've been looking forward to, you know, having a break or going on retreat or leading a retreat, even. I've been looking forward to it for so long, and then it's in the few days before going away and, all of a sudden, I'm like, "Why am I doing this? Why did I say yes to this? You know what? I'm not going to be able to go to Pilates this whole week. Ugh, I'm going to have to pack, and then I'm going to have to unpack, and, oh, gosh, this is just so much work." 

And, like, all of a sudden, it's—I'm looking at the weather, and I'm like, "Oh, I don’t know, a 10-day forecast says it might rain on Tuesday and Wednesday." [laugh] So, in the lead-up to the highly anticipated vacation, all of a sudden, I'm so negative and, like, cranky and not as much wanting to go. 

Now, at the same time, I am excited. I am excited. I do still get my ass on that plane. But there is an internal and emotional experience of a ramping up negativity, a ramping up complaining, a ramping up thinking about what might go wrong. I mean, I even have [laugh]—I'll just admit this to you all—I even have this thing where I'm like, "Yeah, my plane will probably crash. This is it. Hasn't been a plane crash in many moons, so it's time, and it'll be my plane." I mean, that is what my mind does, and it's that ramping up of negativity that goes so much faster and more intense than my build-up of positivity, of excitement, yeah?

Any of you out there who are entrepreneurs, if you've ever wanted to, say, like, put something new out into the world, or do what we call a launch, like, to say, "OK, I'm going to bring a bunch of new people into a program or a service that I have," you'll find that leading up to the launch, the negativity skyrockets. It's like everything bad that might happen, all the things that might go wrong, all the hopes that may be dashed, the closer you get to the event, the more intense the negativity gets. 

I just I can't tell you what a relief it is for me to study these phenomena, and to understand them, and to just see that as like, oh, that's just how my brain is working. This is something common. This is something understandable. These are not my Spidey senses trying to tell me, "It's a bad idea. It's a bad idea." This is my change-fearing, safety-obsessed, closer-to-cavewoman-than-21st-century-woman self just doing her thing. 

OK. So, let's get to the spell, now that we have that background on the power of negativity, and just how many levels it's operating on, how many ways it's affecting us, right? It's not just that we're noticing the negative; it's that we're counting it for more; it's that we're intensifying it more quickly; it's that we are—we're storing it in our long-term memory more quickly. We're sharing it more quickly. 

I don't need to tell you the news is full of negativity. That's what we are drawn to, so that's what we share, and that's what we talk about, and that's what we ruminate on. So, we have that tendency, so then how do we, in the face of that, expand our capacity for hope? 

So, I have two things for you here. I have a practice that I want to share with you today, and I also have a little mantra, and I've shared this before, actually. I shared this thought, this idea in A Spell for Surpassing Your Upper Limit. That is Episode 23. It is safe to get my hopes up. It is safe to get my hopes up. 

I have to tell you that this spell came to me from Lindsay Mack. Lindsay Mack has a tarot practice. She's a tarot teacher. And, oh, my gosh, I was listening to her speak at the darkest time of the year in really one of the darkest moments in my life. [laugh] I was so afraid in this moment, and those were the words I heard her say. I heard her say, "It is safe to get your hopes up." 

And it felt like a balm. It felt like a balm on my mind, my soul, and so that's a little incantation for you. It is safe to get my hopes up. It is safe to get my hopes up. 

So many times, we don't want to get our hopes up because we are afraid that our hopes will be dashed, right, and negativity bias supplies all the reasons they might be, and supplies all the devastation that might be wrought if our hopes are dashed. And, yet, what is the alternative? If we're not willing to get our hopes up, what's the alternative? Staying so scared? Staying so stuck? 

My clients and I actually coined a term for what we're doing when we don't allow ourselves to get our hopes up, and what we call it is pre-suffering—pre-suffering, right? So, here, let's use an example from my life right now. So, I am—this is an announcement but I'll give it to you. 

I am creating this evolved planner right now. I'm taking the daily practices that I've been using for years and years to create so much positive change and abundance and evolution in my own life, and I'm putting it into an everyday planner/journal/self-coaching tool that I'm going to make available to you. Ooh! OK. Just saying that out loud makes me really excited, and/but pre-suffering—pre-suffering—gets me already thinking about, "Well, but, what if it doesn't work for other people? What if nobody buys it? What if they buy it, and they're disappointed?" Right? 

It gets into that catastrophizing, into that super negative space, and it's like pre-suffering. Don't let me get caught by surprise by all of the bad things that can happen. Let me go ahead and pre-suffer. [laugh] Let me test it out. Let me make sure I can withstand all the bad things that might happen. OK. Fine. Maybe that's something that mind feels is really necessary to do.

I will tell you it is not terribly motivating for me as I am putting the finishing touches on my planner. It is not terribly helpful for me as I am choosing a printer and choosing a print run, and investing my time and energy in making this thing happen. Right? So, pre-suffering, it's not inherently bad and/but it's not helpful.

So, this incantation that I'm offering you—it is safe to get my hopes up—thank you, negativity bias, for showing me all the things that could [laugh] go wrong, and yet I recognize that the world you see is skewed. It's skewed negative. And I also declare, I assert that there is more to my life and there is more to me than this fear. 

It is safe to get my hopes up. In fact, what I'm trying to do is to create a world in which my work gets to proliferate, and that sounds actually helpful. In order to do that, I want to take this chance. I want to put this creation out into the world. And in order to put the creation out into the world, I need to get my hopes up, so it is safe to get my hopes up.

OK. Now, here is the practice that I want to recommend to you. This is a version of a gratitude practice, but it's not exactly a gratitude practice in that you're not really like counting your blessings so much. It's a little bit more specific and focused than that. 

And this is a practice that is integrated into my new planner [laugh] but it's also a practice that you can just do in your journal, in your notebook, in your phone, even just in your head. But I actually think there's a power in writing it down. So, OK, here it is. Here it is.

The spell for expanding your capacity for hope involves you consciously cultivating more positivity. So, if negativity bias is saying, "Here is what didn't work, here is what isn't working, here is what might not work," right, it's always focused past, present, and future on what is not good, what we get to do in this practice is to focus on what is working; what did work; what might work. 

And I love to have this very present moment focused. For me, that's proved most effective. And, so, the question that I ask myself is, "What's working for me right now? What is working for me right now? What's going well? What's helping me? Who's helping me? What's bringing me joy? What's bringing me comfort? How am I growing? What is working for me right now?"

And what I'm asking my mind to do—because my mind is not going to do this on its own. On its own, it is, again, letting the positive information wash over and wash through, and it is grabbing every little chunk of negative information, and piling it up. [laugh] Right? So, what we're doing in this practice is we are creating a reservoir, we are creating a container for all of the positive information; for all of what is working, for all of what is in our favor rather than in our way; for all of our resources; for all of the happy coincidences; for all of the opportunities. Yeah?

So, I do this every morning. I'm going to—I'm just going to flip to one, and give you an example of what it looks like in my own journal, right? So, today, my what's working says, "Three potential new clients. Travel upcoming." I get to travel soon, and the negativity [laugh] slope has not yet activated, so I'm still excited about it. 

"Good conversations with good friends." I've had a couple of those this week. "Help from so many people," and then I list them, all the people who are helping me because, really, so many people are helping me. "Pilates." I'm really loving my Pilates right now. "My girls are doing well." I write that down.

You know, right now, I have plenty of money. I have plenty of money right now. I write that down. "My health is improving." I write that down, and I get more specific about it, like, "This is what I'm seeing. This is what I'm seeing. This is what I'm seeing." I had a fun date and a sweet kissing session with my partner. Put that down, because negativity bias only wants to remember the kind of like tense conversation that we had, and doesn't want to remember all of the beautiful, lovely, sweet moments that we shared. 

And, so, my job—I really think this is my evolutionary responsibility—is to begin to weight even more what's working, what's working in my favor. Now, I don't think that this is going to turn us into spiritual bypassers or Pollyannas, who are just like, "Life is good," throwing peace signs. Yeah? I really don't because, listen, negativity bias is formidable. 

Again, I point you to that page of feedback that you got [laugh]: positive, positive, positive, negative, positive, positive, positive, positive. And what do you remember? That one person thought you seemed a little arrogant [laugh], right? Truly. Negativity bias isn't going anywhere, and so what we're doing is just balancing it out. We're balancing it out by on-purpose attending to what is working, what is working for you.

OK. So, there's one more kind of fun thing to tell you. In studies around negativity bias, we know that we are more afraid of losing than we are hopeful of gaining. There's many, many studies that show this. So, that is like if you tell someone, "You can keep $100 or you can have a chance to win $150," people are like, "Yeah, I'll just keep my $100, thanks." For the most part, the potential to have more and better is outweighed by the fear that it won't work, and the fear of losing the $100. 

I think we can use even this in our favor because here is the fun thing. So, there was a study in which kids were learning a new skill, and researchers tried two different ways of showing them their progress. And, so, one way was every time they got a problem right, they would get a marble in a jar. So, "Yay, you did well. Here's a marble. Yay, you did well. Here's a marble."

And the other way was they had a jar of marbles, and every time they got a problem wrong, they would lose a marble, right? And what the study found was that the kids who were losing a marble rather than gaining marbles, they were learning so much more quickly and efficiently. Basically, they grew faster. Their skill set grew faster.

So, maybe part of you is like, "Wait a minute? I thought negativity bias was like a bad thing, and I thought we were trying to avoid it." No, it's not a bad thing, and we're not trying to avoid it. It's just can we use it in our favor? And, so, when I read this study, here's what I thought. I thought, "Oh, OK. So, if I put this planner out into the world, and it does really well, that's going to be awesome for me. And if I put this planner out in the world, and it doesn't do very well, I'm going to grow even faster. I'm going to learn even more. And because growth and evolution are such strong values for me, that begins to look like a win-win situation."

That is me taking my positivity that I've been cultivating, my hope that I've been cultivating, and looking at a situation, a danger that negativity bias has said, "Hey, you might lose. You might not have." And I've said, "Oh, OK, well, here is what works for me about losing. Here is what works in my favor. Here's what helps me. Thank you, negativity bias, for trying to keep me safe, but I want more than safe. I want thriving. I want fuller expression. I want to make the most of this wild and precious life. And in order to do that, I need to know it is safe to get my hopes up. And when my hopes are up, and I take action, I grow, no matter what."

OK. So, I hope you will try out this practice, this "what is working for me?" Go for at least five; even more if you can. You're just training your mind to pay attention to all that is going right, all that is working for you, all that is in your favor, to not let it wash through but to use it to create a reservoir, and then to use that reservoir to move in a direction that you really want.

All right, my love, expanding your capacity for hope. Stay tuned for the next episode in this series. I hope you're enjoying it. I'm very excited about it. All right. Thanks for listening. Bye for now.

Thank you for listening to this episode of Mind Witchery. To catch all the magic I’m offering, please subscribe to the show, or if you want a little bit of weekly witchiness in your inbox, sign up for my Sunday Letter at mindwitchery.com. If today’s episode made you think of a friend or loved one, your sister, your neighbor, please tell them about it. We need more magic-makers in this troubled world. 

Like all good things, this podcast is co-created by stellar people. Our music is by fabulous DJ, artist, and producer, Shammy Dee. Our gorgeous art is by the sorcerers at New Moon Creative. Mind Witchery is produced in conjunction with Particulate Media, K.O. Myers, executive producer. And I am Natalie Miller. Till next time. 

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