A Spell for Boosting Enoughness

As someone bringing goodness into the world,

it’s vital to seek opportunities for improvement.

But when you live in a dominant culture that’s

obsessed with productivity and

with doing instead of being,

it’s easy to find yourself twisted up

over every minor detail that wasn’t Exactly Right.

This spell will help you remember to celebrate yourself

and the amazing things you bring to all of us!

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Mentioned:

My friend and fellow coach Anna Hazenberg.

Self-kindness expert Dr. Kristin Neff.

Make Magic:

One of my favorite ways to practice

giving myself the credit I deserve is to

write a list of appreciations of what’s working.

Maybe it’s things I’m doing, meaning I’m making,

or co-creations I’m helping to reveal.

Taking the time to focus on what’s going right,

where I’m doing well, gives me the chance to

enjoy my wins and give myself some love.

Transcript: A Spell for Boosting Enoughness

Natalie Miller:    Welcome to Mind Witchery. I’m your host, Natalie Miller, and I’m so glad you’re here. 

    Hello, my love. I almost said “good morning” but I realize I don’t know when you’ll be listening to this. For me, it is very early morning. The sun is actually not quite even coming up yet, and I’m here in the recording studio with my coffee, and you can hear a little [laugh] post-COVID, early-morning scratchiness in my voice.

    And, no worries, I am all better from the COVID. It was not so terrible. I was grateful for being vaccinated and having the great luxury of actually resting while I was convalescing. 

    All right. Today’s spell is a spell for boosting enoughness. And I want to tell you from the outset that this spell is inspired by a coach-y friend of mine, Anna Hazenberg. She’s wonderful, she’s based in Amsterdam, and she and I did master coach training together in the Wayfinder Coaching School by Martha Beck. 

    And when she and I were in master coach training together, we did a few trades where we got to coach one another. And Anna asked me one day a question that has stuck with me for all these years, and the spell for boosting enoughness is a variation of that question. But I always think it’s really important to acknowledge that we are all always co-creating, so I want you to know that Anna and Anna’s genius question inspired this spell.

    So, I don’t really remember what I was talking with Anna about, what she was coaching me on when she asked me this question. But I can tell you that [laugh] one of my most persistent limiting beliefs is that I can never do enough, no matter what, no matter where. I have this persistent sense that I haven’t done enough, that I can’t do enough. 

    And where does that come from? You know, obviously, culturally, we are all under a lot of pressure to do more, produce more, create more. You know, the dominant cultures on the planet are obsessed with productivity and with doing [laugh] as opposed to being. So, partly, of course, it comes from that. 

    But, you know, I also think that my sense that I haven’t done enough, I can’t do enough comes from an aspect of me, of the way my mind works, of the way I’m oriented kind of naturally in the world that I see possibility everywhere. [laugh] I always can see how something could be better. 

    And, you know, like all swords, [laugh] this one is definitely double-edged. On the one hand, it makes me an evolutionary in the world. I am interested always in improving, in optimizing, you know. I can see what could be better, and I can often see how to make it better, and I’m interested in doing that. And, you know, I’m grateful for this aspect of myself.

    And I’m betting that you resonate with this. I imagine if you are drawn to listen to Mind Witchery, if you’re interested in a self-coaching, self-help-y podcast [laugh] that you too are interested in the better, in what’s possible. And I love that about us… [laugh] 

    At the same time, when we can always see what could be better, when we can always see more possibility, of course, we’re aware of what we haven’t done. Of course, we’re aware of what else we could or should be doing. 

    So, that is, I’m sure, where I was when my friend Anna was coaching me. I’m sure. I have no doubt. I was in the place of, “I haven’t done enough. I can’t do enough. I can’t possibly meet the standard that I hold. I’m having difficulty fulfilling the potential that I see.”

    And what Anna asked me was this question. “Are you giving yourself credit?” And I have to tell you that question was like a stone dropped into the pond of my mind, and the ripples just went out and out and out and out. 

    And I realized, no, I’m not giving myself credit. And while I am very good at seeing what’s possible, while I am very good at seeing how things could be better, I was, at that moment, not so great at appreciating the progress that I had made. And any time I use the word “appreciate,” by the way, I totally mean it in its fullest sense. Right?

    When we appreciate something, we give it more value, you know? When a piece of art appreciates, it is worth more. And, so, in that moment, I was really not so great at appreciating what I had done at making it count, at acknowledging that I already had made things better—maybe not as better as I could see the potential for but, yeah, I already had taken some action, or I already had shifted, yeah?

    So, that is how we, I think, can protect ourselves from the really sharp edge of that [laugh] double-edged sword of always being able to see how things could be better. Right? There’s the part that can cut through the bullshit, that can cut off the excess, that can cut through the noise. There’s that part that does help us so much as we are improving things in the world, in our lives, right?

    But the edge that is often facing us, the edge that can cut into our own hearts and minds is that edge that says, “I haven’t done enough.” And the way we can protect ourselves from the really sharp self-criticism that that edge of the sword can wield is through giving ourselves credit.

    So, the spell for boosting enoughness is a slight variation on Anna’s amazing question. It goes like this. How am I giving myself credit? How am I giving myself credit? By asking “how?” we are not leaving the answer at a—well [laugh], I mean, frankly, the answer is generally going to be no. [laugh] No, I’m not giving myself credit. 

    We won’t leave the answer there but, rather, we will spark a little bit of creativity, and we will spark agency. If I ask myself, “How am I giving myself credit?” and I realize I’m not, I’m not giving myself credit, then the kind of natural next question is, “Well, then, how can I give myself credit? How can I give myself credit?”

    Now, one of my favorite ways to actually do this, right, to answer this question, to give myself credit is to write a list of appreciations of what’s working. And that might be things that I’m doing that are working. That might be just co-creations in my life that are working. Yeah?

    By listing those—here’s what’s working, here’s what’s working, here’s what’s working—by giving them more attention, more value, I am balancing my tendency to see what could be better, what could be better, what could be better, with an acknowledgement of what’s good. What’s good? What’s good? 

    So, when you are finding yourself in a place of low enoughness, when you’re finding yourself either down on you or down on your progress in a certain project, down on the country in which you live—which that’s easy for me lately [laugh] here in the United States of America—when you’re finding yourself in a place of low enoughness asking, “All right, how am I giving myself credit? How am I giving myself and my co-creators on this project credit? How am I giving my nation credit?” it invites us to see that probably we’re not. 

    If we’re in a very low enoughness space, probably we’re not giving credit. We’re only looking at what’s not working, at what’s not good, at what’s not optimized. And we get to orient instead toward, all right, well, let me do that. 

    Now, I want to address one little [laugh]—maybe a little doubt, a little worry that might be arising for you—I know it did for me—which is, well, if I’m giving us credit, if I’m giving me, my team, my fellow citizens [laugh], if I’m giving us credit, what if I stop trying to make things better? What if I get complacent? 

    I mean, remember, we’ve experienced in our lives a lot of benefit and progress from our ability to see what could be better, and to move toward it. So, we know this is a super power we have. But wait a minute. Like, if I’m not using it, if I’m instead looking at what’s working, if I’m instead—then what if I stop trying to make things better? What if I stop evolving? 

    And, I mean, first of all, studies show—and this is mostly the work of Kristin Neff, who I’ve talked about the podcast before—that when we are self-appreciative, we actually tend to get better at doing the things that we want to do in the world. And I bet you can see this for yourself. Think for a moment about a place in your life where you are experiencing this low enoughness. Now, really, how does that affect you? Is it helping you, or is it actually holding you back?

    So, for example, if I’m recording this podcast, let’s say, and I’m constantly in a place of, ugh, that could be better, that could be better, this could be better, that wasn’t what I wanted—and, trust me, that is a very easy place [laugh] for me to go—but if I am there all the time, am I really going to be able to show up? Am I really going to be able to press that publish button? No [laugh], no, right?

    That is facilitated by me giving myself credit. Hey, I’ve showed up, again, this week, with an idea, with a spell. Was it perfect? No, it wasn’t perfect. But I’m going to trust it’s enough that this is enough. Yeah?

    So, the idea isn’t that we lay down that sword that really does help us, like, cut through the brush, and make things better, and build what we want to build, change what we want to change. The idea is that we protect ourselves from the sharp, sharp edge of that sword. All right, my loves, there you have it, a spell for boosting enoughness. 

    First of all, how am I giving myself credit? And then when you realize that probably you aren’t [laugh], the low enoughness comes from underappreciation of what you have done, of the progress you have made, of what’s working, then you can ask yourself, “How can I give myself credit?” And perhaps write a list of appreciations. 

    What’s working? What changes have you made? What progress can you see? This is something I do every morning as part of my little morning coach-y practice. Five things. What’s working? 

    It helps. It makes things better and, after all, isn’t that what you so much want to do? As always, thank you so much for listening. Bye for now. 

    Thank you for listening to this episode of Mind Witchery. To catch all the magic I’m offering, please subscribe to the show, or if you want a little bit of weekly witchiness in your inbox, sign up for my Sunday Letter at mindwitchery.com. If today’s episode made you think of a friend or loved one, your sister, your neighbor, please tell them about it. We need more magic-makers in this troubled world. 

    Like all good things, this podcast is co-created by stellar people. Our music is by fabulous DJ, artist, and producer, Shammy Dee. Our gorgeous art is by the sorcerers at New Moon Creative. Mind Witchery is produced in conjunction with Particulate Media, K.O. Myers, executive producer. And I am Natalie Miller. Till next time. 

End of recording