A Spell for Expanding Your Options

Yes or No.

Do or Don’t.

Right or Wrong.

Female or Male.

When we’re thinking about our choices in binary terms, we’re limited and limiting.

This spell will help you see options as expansive and diverse as this reality we’re co-creating.

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Mentioned:

Leela Sinha - check out zir YouTube channel!

Make Magic:

Take any either/or you’re seeing

and see what’s in between.

Transcript:

A Spell for Expanding Your Options

Natalie Miller: Welcome to Mind Witchery. I’m your host, Natalie Miller, and I’m so glad you’re here. 

Hi there. Welcome. You may hear in my voice that I just got out of bed. [laugh] I got out of bed, I made a cup of tea, and I came downstairs to record this episode for you, partly because I just, like, was inspired to do so—I woke up kind of thinking about the bullet points—and also partly because I’m traveling this week, and so my schedule is a little bit out of sorts already. So, why not come down and talk to you first thing in the morning?

All right. So, today’s spell is one that I always knew I would give you. It’s one that I use all the time with my amazing clients, many of whom, interestingly, default to yes or no, black and white thinking, so the sense that it’s either this or that. And part of what we do in our coaching work together is help to expand their options because when you are making a decision or a choice, and you are believing that it’s either/or, yes or no, this or that, that there are only two options, oftentimes, especially when you are awakening more and more to what you really want, oftentimes neither of those options is perfect, and neither is completely satisfying.

So, today’s spell is a spell for expanding your options. So, I think you probably know what I’m talking about when I’m talking about binary, black or white, this or that, yes or no, male or female [laugh] thinking. I think you know what I mean, but let’s have a couple of examples that we can use to illustrate.

So, one might be for a person who is in a committed relationship. Do I stay or do I go? Do I stay in this relationship or do I leave it? That’s binary thinking. It’s black or white. Another one might be, let’s say, in a business situation. Do I raise my prices or do I keep them the same? Do I raise them or do I keep them the same? The choice is presented, and often we are presenting it to ourselves, in a binary format. Two boxes, and that’s it. [laugh] 

So, the spell for expanding our options is to ask, what’s in between? What’s in between? In the examples I just gave, here I am, I’m in a relationship, and I’m not happy. I love this person, but I’m not completely happy. And, so, if I give myself the decision, the choices, stay or go, those are very extreme and concentrated options. And, of course, let me be really clear. Maybe—maybe—one of those more extreme options is the right one. That could totally be the case. 

And/but—and that’s [laugh] I know something I say a lot—that that’s something that disrupts the binary, right? And/but maybe it’s difficult to choose between those two options because, actually, neither option is the one you really want. When I ask myself, OK, what’s in between stay or go—what’s in between stay or go—what then I have to do is to begin looking at this situation with more nuance, with more complexity, and start really evaluating the various components of the situation, right?

So, in terms of relationship, let’s say I’m very comfortable with my partner. Let’s say we have a well-functioning relationship, especially logistically or in sharing space or in being friends. But let’s say that the sex isn’t great. Let’s say that there’s not a lot of maybe shared adventurousness or excitement, and I’m wanting more of those things.

So, when I look at the relationship in a more nuanced way, I can say, OK, here are the things I’d like to keep. Here are the things that pull me towards the stay side. And then here are the things I’d like to change. Here are the things that pull me towards the leave side.

And understanding that, I can think about, OK, so what is in between stay or leave? Well, maybe one thing in between is seeing a sex therapist together. Maybe one thing in between is planning a month-long road trip together. Maybe one thing in between is opening up the relationship so that we both begin to see other partners. 

There are lots and lots of options that are in between stay or go. If I’m like, OK, what am I really looking for? I’m looking for more excitement, more adventure, better sex. I want those things. Well, what is an option that’s between stay or go that would give me an opportunity to get those things? 

It’s funny. I just got this image of a junk drawer that’s, like, over-full but of useful things. Why do we call it the junk drawer? It’s, like, not junk. There’s like superglue in there. [laugh] Anyway, so, you’ve got your junk drawer that’s full of—you know, it’s kind of crammed, over-full. You open it up, and you can’t find anything. 

And, so, imagine if I said to you, “OK, well, your choices are keep it how it is or throw the whole thing out.” You’re like, “No, I kind of want to, like, sort through it. [laugh] Like, let me fish through it. Let me grab the spare key. Let me get the cuticle nippers. Let me get the superglue. Like, there are things in here that I really want to keep. But then, yeah, there is actually a lot that I would like to let go of. There’s a lot that I would like to clear out of here.” So, the same sort of sorting process or clarification process happens when we move away from the either/or choice and into the middle, which is often a messy middle but it’s the middle. 

OK. So, let’s look at the other example I gave you, which is am I going to raise my prices or am I going to keep them the same? Imagine, OK, those are your two choices. Those are your two choices, Natalie. Either hike up the rates or keep them where they are. And maybe I’m not feeling comfortable completely with either of those, so I’ll just ask myself, OK, why? Why do I want to raise my prices? And that could be any number of reasons.

I might say, well, you know, I have a really full roster. I think I could charge more. I’m wanting to invest more and more in, you know, extra training or diversity, equity, and inclusion initiatives, or a team. I want to invest more, and so I want to bring more money in. I mean, we’ll have all kinds of reasons. Why do I want to raise my prices?

And then, and look over to the other side, and say, OK, why do I want to keep them the same? And then the answer may be something like, well, I don’t feel comfortable raising my prices for my current clients. Or the answer may be something like, well, I want to keep my pricing accessible for X population of people. 

OK. So, when I use the spell [laugh] for expanding my options, and I’m clearer on sort of the, I guess, the pros and cons, right, like, OK, well, what are the reasons why, and then what are the reasons why not, then I can ask myself, OK, so, what is in between? Maybe it’s I’ve become really clear. Yes, yes, the prices need to go up. I want to make more money because I want to be able to be differently in my business. 

So, yes, I want to take my prices up. And, so, in between might be, OK, I’m going to give my current clients a chance to prepurchase an extra three months at my current price. So, I’m going to ease them into the new investment level. An answer might be, you know, to keep my pricing accessible, maybe I designate a certain number of spots that I offer at a lower rate, but then I take my overall rate up. So, I can still accommodate some of the people who aren’t ready or able to pay a higher price, but, at the same time, I do raise my prices so that, overall, I have a more sustainable and generous income.

So, again, what’s in between? What’s in between? How could I have all that I want? Isn’t that so delicious and exciting that I don’t have to settle for a binary, that I don’t have to create a pros and cons list, and see which one is longer? [laugh] Right? I can actually make a pros and cons list, and then cherry-pick what is most important, tap into my creative power, and make a new choice from there.

Oh, my gosh. That is just magic. All right. So, short and sweet today, a spell for expanding your options. What is in between? What am I imagining are the two ends of the spectrum? And, you know, my friend, Leela Sinha, introduced me to this idea that, you know, even when we think about a spectrum, a spectrum is still based on binary thinking, right? There’s one end over here, and one end over there. 

The better we get at exploring what’s in between, the more we can let go of two ends of the spectrum, two choices, black or white, two boxes, and the better we can expand our creativity to explore that whole landscape that is in between. 

All right, my friends, I am fully awake now [laugh], and I hope that this spell has you looking at one of those choices you’ve been weighing—this or that, either/or, yes or no—and wondering how you could create something truly satisfying that is neither of those, and also somehow both. OK. Thanks for listening. Bye for now. 

Thank you for listening to this episode of Mind Witchery. To catch all the magic I’m offering, please subscribe to the show, or if you want a little bit of weekly witchiness in your inbox, sign up for my Sunday Letter at mindwitchery.com. If today’s episode made you think of a friend or loved one, your sister, your neighbor, please tell them about it. We need more magic-makers in this troubled world. 

Like all good things, this podcast is co-created by stellar people. Our music is by fabulous DJ, artist, and producer, Shammy Dee. Our gorgeous art is by the sorcerers at New Moon Creative. Mind Witchery is produced in conjunction with Particulate Media, K.O. Myers, executive producer. And I am Natalie Miller. Till next time. 

End of recording