A Spell for Revolutionary Success

What does success mean to you? Like, you personally?

The dominant culture sure knows what IT wants you to strive for.

Money, titles, bigger houses and more stuff to put in them.

But, if you’re here, you’ve started to realize your search

for those things supports the system way more than

it serves you or the communities you want to lift up.

Subscribe! Apple | Google | Pandora | Spotify | Stitcher | TuneIn | YouTube

Mentioned:

timewitchery.com/planner, where you can get a Time Witchery anti-planner to help you revolutionize your definition of success.

Make Magic:

Give yourself time to explore the feelings that come up

when you ask yourself how success should feel.

Let your imaginative right brain fully inhabit those desired feelings,

and just see what images and sensations come up for you.

Transcript: A Spell for Revolutionary Success

Natalie Miller: Welcome to Mind Witchery. I’m your host, Natalie Miller, and I’m so glad you’re here. 

Hello, my love. I am excited to jump right in today, and to talk to you about success. This is actually one of the main things I do with my clients, especially with my one-on-one clients. This is central to the work that I do, and that is to figure out what success even is. 

Of course, I'll start with definitions. The first definition Google will give you of success is the accomplishment of an aim or purpose. Just like notice how open that is. Success means that you had an aim, you had a purpose, and you made it happen. It's a yield. It's a result. It's an outcome. 

There is, in that definition, so much room for customization. [laughs] So much room for what outcomes you desire for what you want. Yeah? You define success, and/but [laughs], of course, so does our culture and, of course, our culture is full of forces—whiteness, the patriarchy, ableism, homophobia, transphobia, fat phobia—and looming over all of that: capitalism. Our culture is full of these forces that are always kind of defining success for us or, maybe it's better said, defining success for its own perpetuation.

So maybe it's actually best to begin with a clear-eyed sense of some of the things that the dominant and dominating culture is always telling us equal success. So let's just start with money. Money, right, in and of itself, the culture tells us money equals success. And what kind of money, actually?. I'm going to say invested money, saved money, maximized money, maybe old money. Right?

What kind of money equals success? Really, if you look at it, the kind of money that goes into the institutions that already have power. In the dominant and dominating culture, when you have a lot of money invested, that is successful. And that doesn't just serve you; that also serves all those index funds, all those companies in those index funds. Yeah?

Now, I'm not saying it's bad or wrong to invest money, not at all, and I certainly am not saying that money isn't requisite for success. We need money in our world. The way it is set up, money is necessary. But for most of us, money is not actually an end in and of itself, that is, it's not a result or an outcome; it is a means to another end. And I'll talk more about that later in the episode. 

Let's keep going though. Another thing that the dominant and dominating systems tell us is success are titles—titles, right—like PhD, MD, CEO, CFO, President, Chairperson. Titles are proof that you are invested in powerful institutions. And I think we hope—although I'm not actually so certain [laughs] that this is the reality—we hope that those titles are proof that those institutions are also invested in us. But I will leave all of you with titles to determine whether or not that is actually the case. OK, money, titles.

Another, I think, aspect of success as defined by the dominant dominating culture are a lot of conspicuous consumption items: the house, the car, the clothes, right? And conspicuous consumption means that these are things that not only are nice to have but they signify some level of purchasing power. 

Now, whether or not you actually enjoy that power, I don't know. I will say this is a place that gets a little sticky for me personally because I do love nice things. I love nice things. I love high-quality objects in my life. I love a beautiful and comfortable home. 

I was just talking the other day with a friend about handbags. I love a beautiful handbag. I love a designer handbag. And I'm not going to judge or blame myself for this, but I am going to notice that, historically, it is in the area of conspicuous consumption that women, especially white women, have had a measure of power. Yeah? 

Like women have been responsible for the conspicuous consumption aspect of demonstrating success, yeah? So part of me says, well, I do love well-crafted, beautiful things, and then another part of me kind of side-eyes a little bit, and says, yeah, and let me be aware that there is definitely some very deep cultural conditioning at play here. 

OK, two more things. The dominating and dominant culture has a very specific body in mind as its, quote, unquote, successful body, as the body you want, right? And these days, in the 21st century, especially in the Western world, that body is fit. That body is live. That body is not aging or showing any signs of aging.

That body looks a certain way in clothes. That body moves in a certain way through the world. That body is controlled. That, my friends, is like not only a whole other episode, that's a whole other podcast. But let's just sort of notice that there's definitely a component of, quote, unquote, success that has to deal with the body.

And then finally, one more thing I wanted to point out is that success in the dominant dominating culture also says that you have a certain kind of belonging to or respect from or renown within certain circles. Now, what those circles are according to the dominant dominating culture, it's like the room where it happens, in Hamilton speak, right? You have belonging to, respect within, renown within those places where the movers and shakers or really the dominators [laughs] in our culture are. 

So, again, of course, as humans, we want belonging—of course we do. We want belonging in certain communities or certain circles. But success in the dominating culture says that you will belong in the recognized experts circle, or you will belong in the box seats at the opera. You see what I mean? 

OK. So, most of these components or definitions of success actually mostly serve the system; not you. Right? If you are trying to control your body, then you won't mind that the system does not care for bodies. If you are trying to achieve titles, then you will put up with a lot of bullshit from the institutions in which you're trying to get the titles. You will invest your time, your talent, your money in those systems, and those systems will gladly take that. 

Conspicuous consumption, of course, right, the more we invest in the desirable neighborhoods, cars, clothes, etc., [laughs] the more—usually—we borrow from the banks to be able to do that. So the more I think about this, the more I see, oh, that definition of success is actually even more for powerful institutions than it is for me and for my communities.

So it is vital that we really interrogate our own definitions of success, and especially as revolutionaries, especially as people who want this world to be a more just and sustainable place. We've got to interrogate these definitions of success. We've got to see what is really going on here, and I think we've got to see what it is that we actually really want.

Now, this is simple, right? Yeah. What is success to you? What is your definition of success? That's a simple question, but it is not easy to answer because all of that conditioning is layered in, and the material reality, like, that context is present. 

Like I said, yeah, you're going to need money—of course you are. You're going to need belonging. Depending on what you're doing, yeah, you might need a title. But none of these things in and of themselves, I believe, yield what we actually imagine success to be. 

OK. So how do we interrogate our definition of success and refine it so that it really is what we really actually want? We get much clearer on the result, the outcome, the yield, the purpose. Like, what is it that we actually are going for? And the place to begin with this is—and I learned this from one of my foundational teachers, Martha Beck—is to ask, well, how do I imagine I will feel when I am successful? Right? How do I imagine success will feel?

So rather than what accomplishment will equal success, what is the feeling I believe I will have when I am successful? Yeah? So, for me, freedom; I will feel free. When I'm successful, I will feel free. Another one—I'm not sure this is a freedom; it's a little bit of value also—but another one for me is generous. When I am successful, I can be so generous, easefully, freely giving.

For some people, success is feeling a sense of fulfillment. I feel fulfilled. I feel at peace. For some people, it's more angles towards safety. When I'm successful, I'll feel secure and safe. And for most people I know, we imagine that when we are successful, we will feel confident. We will have faith in ourselves, in our trajectory, in our path through and place in the world, confident. Yeah?

So really getting into that, making it less about what you want to have and more about how you want to feel can really help you to set a course toward the outcome, the yields that you actually want. And I think what we discover when we get into how we imagine success will feel is we discover that actually there is no amount of money that makes us feel safe and secure—there really isn't. 

It's not money that does that. In fact, I've seen so many people feel less and less secure, less and less safe the more money they make, right? I mean, there's like songs about it. More Money, More Problems. I think we're told we will feel confident when we have renown, or when we have a title, or when we've achieved a certain stature. But, in fact, no, that's not where confidence comes from. 

Confidence is an inside job, and if you have achieved your way into a community or a role or a room where it happens that is not really aligned with your own values, that is not really where you want to be, then it will be very, very difficult to feel confident to go with faith in that place. If it's not an integrity, it's going to feel terrible. I can guarantee you that. 

So being clear on how you want to feel, that is very important in figuring out what success is for you. I invite you to imagine. Imagine yourself feeling that feeling that, for you, is the desired outcome of all that you're doing, like feeling free, feeling confident, feeling secure. 

Let your right brain explore a little bit what that might look like. Feel that feeling. Conjure it up in you as best you can. Close your eyes, and then just see what are the images of you, your world, your life? What are the images that arise as you imagine yourself fully experiencing that desired feeling. What comes to mind? Where are you? What do you notice?

I have one of my favorite clients who, when she does this, she sees a tiny little cabin in the woods, and it's a writing cabin. It's a writing cabin. It's a place she can go. It's a place she can share, to be free, to create. Yeah. Not a big-ass house; not like standing on a TED Talk stage; a writing cabin. 

So see, and I don't know if it'll work or not. OK. Again, this is simple but not easy. But when you really sit with, when you let your imagination fully inhabit your desired feelings, what do you see? What are the little images that come to mind? And then this, I hope, will give you a sense of the outcomes, the yields that you actually want. 

So how do you want to feel? I think that is primary. Also, what do you value? What are your values? What do you value? What is important to you, and where currently do you find that? Are you finding it in the places you are investing your time and energy? 

So once upon a time, when I was in graduate school, I was getting a PhD in English, with a focus on American literature. Now, I was there because I valued growth and education, because I loved conversations about literature that helped us collaborate and co-create. Like, basically, I went to liberal arts school. I had amazing seminars with my amazing professors, and I thought, this is what I want to do. 

So I achieved my way into one of the top programs in the world, but what they valued was not what I valued. What I was doing there as I was trying to get my title, trying to get my PhD, what I was doing is I was learning how to criticize. [laughs] I was learning how to be a critic, not a teacher, and so it wasn't working. I had achieved my way into the spot that all the dominating systems told me, oh yeah, this is the right spot to be. But it didn't feel good because it wasn't aligned with my values.

And really, values I think are so essential to our outcomes. Values are essential because values will guide our choices. Values will help us to choose our co-creators. Values will help us to choose our objectives. And when we are not being clear about and true to our values, things can really go awry. 

I have watched a person begin in business as avowedly anti-racist, and have a good deal of success, but then begin to invest their time and attention in white, patriarchal capitalism, in bro business. How the definition of success for this person shifted, and became much less revolutionary, and began instead to just perpetuate a lot of the bullshit from the dominating culture. 

So when we're thinking about what we value, what's important to us, and we're not only being clear about it, but we're also reminding ourselves of it, yeah, because again, I in no way want to pretend that we don't need things like money and belonging. Like, of course we do. And at the same time, when we are really clear about our values, we begin to ask ourselves, OK, so where are the other people who also value this? We begin to choose different rooms where different things can happen.

We begin to collaborate and co-create with people who are also working toward the kinds of outcomes and results that we are working toward. And it's in that counterculture where different markers of success can emerge, right, where we start to say, OK, maybe a cared-for body is what I want; not a controlled body. And then I get together with other people who are like, yeah, let's lift up the cared-for body. Let's talk about the cared-for body rather than the controlled body. 

Maybe instead of surrounding ourselves with people who are scaling to seven figures—it's a very common thing in entrepreneurial circles, right, scale to that million—maybe actually that's not what we want. Maybe it's like, ooh, let's build communities, or let's figure out how to have sustainable businesses, or let's figure out how to keep this work joyful and meaningful. Let's figure out how to design businesses that really work for me and my strengths and my goals, right?

All of these questions help us better to be mindful of, conscious of what it is that we are aiming for. And when what it is that you are aiming for is what you actually want in the world, not just for yourself probably but also for the world, it's what you want more of in the world, then there is so much integrity. There's so much power in that, behind that. Yeah?

So success, you define it, and you do not define it alone. You define it within this larger cultural context. You define it since birth, under the thumbs of whiteness, patriarchal domination, ableism, capitalism, heteronormativity, all those things. And yet you are a cultural co-creator, and the ways that you will be able to create what you really want in the world are to ask yourself, OK, how do I want to feel? How do I imagine success will feel, and how can I begin orienting toward that feeling right now? 

Where do I find it? With whom do I find it? In what kinds of activities do I find it? I promise you, when you orient in that direction, you'll grow that feeling. You'll get more and more of it. It will be scary, but it will work.

And then the second question is, what do I value? What is important to me? And again, where do I already find that? With whom do I find it? Maybe even, where do I contribute this? Where am I co-creating this already, orienting more and more toward how we want to feel and what we value? 

Listen, it's at the very top of the daily page of my Time Witchery Planner. Not, hey, what do you need to do today, but how do you want to feel, and what do you value? What is important to you? Vibes and values, that is what will help you to own, to define your own definition of success, and I truly, deeply believe that is actually what will help you be who you want to be in the world.

Whew. OK. Got fired up there [laughs] for a moment. Again, this is simple. This is not easy. So getting help from a coach can be great, and being in community with other people who are doing the same thing can be great. 

Now, you can do both of those things with me. Arguably, you are doing both of those things with me because you're here and you're listening. But if you'd like to do even more together, then come on over. Have a look at my website, the different kinds of things that I'm offering, or just reach out and tell me. Tell me what you want, tell me what you're creating, and I'll see if I can co-create with you. 

All right, my friend. Thank you so much, as always, for listening, and bye for now.

Thank you for listening to this episode of Mind Witchery. To catch all the magic I’m offering, please subscribe to the show, or if you want a little bit of weekly witchiness in your inbox, sign up for my Sunday Letter at mindwitchery.com. If today’s episode made you think of a friend or loved one, your sister, your neighbor, please tell them about it. We need more magic-makers in this troubled world. 

Like all good things, this podcast is co-created by stellar people. Our music is by fabulous DJ, artist, and producer, Shammy Dee. Our gorgeous art is by the sorcerers at New Moon Creative. Mind Witchery is produced in conjunction with Particulate Media, K.O. Myers, executive producer. And I am Natalie Miller. Till next time. 

End of recording