Not all “coaching” is coaching

This morning I'm thinking about different types of coaching.

I'll tell you about how I see it, and about why I think the best coaches are Goldilocks coaches. Like me.

A gif of a woman hand gesturing as if she’s twirling a mustache and the camera closing in on her as she says, “If I do say so myself.”

On one side, you have “coaches” who tell you what to do.

I put scare quotes around “coach” because honestly? These are consultants. In coach clothing.

These “coaches” have a method or framework they want you to implement.

They give a lot of guidance and advice, because they believe they know best. They offer little to no individualization in their approach.

All the way on the other side, you have coaches who let you run the show.

They begin a session with “What would you like to get out of today's conversation?” or “How would you like to feel at the end of our call?”

They avoid sharing any observations or insights that might challenge you, and their questions skim the surface of what you're saying.

Basically: they don't call you on your shit.

I was about to write that “in the middle” are Goldilocks coaches, meaning those who neither over-assert themselves, nor allow basic conversations you could've had over coffee with a friend.

But actually? We Goldilocks coaches aren't in the middle.

We are a whole cut above.

We ask questions that plunge into the depths of What's the Matter.

We listen intently, so we hear even what you're not saying.

We notice your patterns.

We know you can convince anyone of anything. Especially yourself. So our bullshit meter is well-calibrated and extremely sensitive.

We aren't afraid to challenge you, lovingly.

We also aren't afraid to offer our own insights, or ideas that emerge from our expertise.

And/but/always: we honor that you are the utmost expert of yourself, and that what's best is what's best for YOU.

We understand that our job is to help you listen to and love all your parts, and then conjure the courage to free yourself from whatever keeps you from being ALL of who you are.

As one of my clients said a couple weeks ago: “you hold me accountable to my deepest, truest self.”

To me, THAT is coaching.

love,

Natalie