No regrets.
Do you ever get into a Shoulda Woulda Coulda place?
Where you dwell on the past and wish you had done things differently?
I don't go there very often, but yesterday I had a day pass to this Land of Regrets.
I spent much of the day ruminating on a particular situation,
wishing I'd done things differently
wishing I'd put my foot down
wishing I'd asserted my rights
wishing I'd hired a sharper lawyer
wishing I'd called their bluff
wishing I'd dropped the match of burning truth I had and watched it all burn.
Let me tell you (or perhaps you already know):
this is a bitter and frustrating place to be.
Because of course we have no power in the past.
All our power to choose is concentrated HERE, in this present moment.
Also?
I find that in Shoulda Woulda Coulda, I'm asking my past self to have all the knowledge, power, perspective, and will of my now self.
It's hard for me to put myself back in past self's shoes, to remember how tired and afraid she was.
It's hard for me to remember that she lived with gaslights everywhere, and I'm looking back with the hard-won light of wisdom.
Ultimately, it was a draught of past-self-compassion that broke the terrible spell of yesterday's Land of Regrets. I remembered:
I was doing the best I could. Truly.
Given where I was/what I knew/how I felt, I did the best I could.
This thought releases me back into this present moment, where I can remember that all my power is here and now,
and I can - and DO - choose to grow wise, rather than to grow bitter.
If you also find yourself lost in the labyrinths of Shoulda Woulda Coulda, I offer you a vial of this past-self-compassion.
You were doing the best you could.
See how that's true. Because it really is.
Join me in shifting more fully into the power of now.
Let's choose to grow wise, rather than bitter.
Our future selves will be so glad we did.
Love,
Natalie