Potency Potion 3 - Growth Mindset

The final ingredient of our potency potion is Growth Mindset.

Growth Mindset helped me make my year so epic

by allowing me to access creativity and curiosity.

By helping me to play and experiment.

Be showing me that mistakes are not only inevitable, but exciting,

because they represent a golden opportunity for

becoming more thoroughly me.

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Mentioned:

timewitchery.com/planner, where you can support your growth mindset with your very own Time Witchery planner.

Carol Dweck’s very insightful book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success.

Mind Witchery Episode 20, A Spell for Harnessing Growth Mindset.

Make Magic:

Cultivating growth mindset is not just about anticipating how we will grow.

It’s also so important to look at how we have grown.

We need to appreciate growth in ourselves,

so that we are not only celebrating success,

we are learning to give more value to our growth and learning.

Transcript: Potency Potion 3 - Growth Mindset

Natalie Miller: Welcome to Mind Witchery. I’m your host, Natalie Miller, and I’m so glad you’re here. 

Hello, my love. Whew. It is the tail end of 2022. And if you've been listening along, you know we've been brewing up a potency potion. A couple episodes ago in Potency Potion 1, I told you that I knocked myself out this year with how much I was able to create and grow and do. And I've been reflecting on how that all came to be. Like, how was it such a potent, successful year? How was it that I was able to stretch myself so much? 

So, quickest recap, the first ingredient for the potency potion was fuel because that is something that I definitely tripled down on this year. I often talk a really good game about fuel, and how important it is. And, at the same time, it is difficult for me often to really allow myself to receive as much as I need and want to receive. But this year, I made huge progress in this regard. 

Like [laugh], this year, I gave myself time, and time away. I gave myself tons of healthcare, lots and lots of alternative healthcare support. This year, I hired more help than I've ever had before. This year, I really went for it on the treats. Like [laugh], I treated myself a lot. And all of that fuel gave me energy—energy that I really needed to be able to step up and out in the various ways I wanted to do that.

The second ingredient for potency potion was vibes and values, meaning that the question, "How do I want to feel?" How do I want this offer, or this speech I'm about to give, or this project I am heading up, how do I want these things to feel? What's the vibe? And then, also, why am I doing this? Like, in the name of what? What are my values?

To get away from the "what" of what I'm doing, and toward the "why" and the "how does it feel" has been so instrumental, I think, in helping me to really be in integrity, meaning that my doings and my being are on the same page. I'm not doing that which does not feel right and good. 

And this isn't to say that I'm never uncomfortable. I am totally uncomfortable. [laugh] It is uncomfortable to stretch and grow sometimes. But the values in which I am centered, and the qualities, the energies, the vibes that I am cultivating, those are always what I want. I'm not doing anything where I can't be myself. So that vibes and values, that has been crucial for infusing integrity into these various places that I put my energy and effort. And I think that is the second thing that has made this year so potent. 

So, the third thing is something I've talked about before, but I want to touch on it again because I can see so clearly how crucial it's been in this particular year, and that is growth mindset. So, to review [laugh], I will say this, there is a Spell for Harnessing Growth Mindset. You can search for that here in your little podcast player. The Spell for Harnessing Growth Mindset is mostly me but also a little conversation between me and my very growth-mindset-oriented daughter. [laugh] So, you can learn more about it there, but here's the basics. 

Carol Dweck in her book Mindset talks about there being two main mindsets: fixed mindset, which basically says, "My qualities are inherent. They are set in stone. Like, I am born with certain abilities or talents or qualities, and that is who I am, up and down." Versus growth mindset, which says, "I'm always growing. I'm always changing. And my talents, my qualities, my abilities, those are not actually fixed or guaranteed. Like, those are aspects of me that I can invest in or cultivate or shift or change, and that basically that's what I'm doing here on this planet and in this life is I am growing and shifting and changing." 

So, Dweck writes that growth mindset folks are out here, needing to prove what is always true about them. And, you know, I just want to pause here because it is so painful. [laugh] Any one of you who are also high achievers, and have been since childhood, super likely that you were raised with a good deal of fixed mindset thinking around your abilities. Like, "Oh, she's so smart." And then you have to prove that you are smart by getting straight A's, or "Oh, she's a natural-born leader," and then you have to prove that you really are what they say, a natural-born leader, by winning the student council election or being captain of the debate team. 

With fixed mindset, when we say, "You are who you are, your qualities, your talents are inherent in you," there are then, therefore, a great deal of expectations and assumptions, right? There is not really room—and this is, I have to tell you, [laugh] this is really a mindfuck. There's not room for failure. There's not room for growth and learning and mistakes because, somehow, if you, golden child, do not succeed, if you do not come out on top, then something is very wrong. 

This fixed mindset puts you in such a little, tiny, tiny box, and doesn't give you a lot of room to experiment, to try, to grow, to fail, to fuck around and find out. And it turns out in [laugh] this life that in those places of exploration, and experimentation, and playing, and fucking around, and failing, and making mistakes, there is so much power there. When we are operating in the tiny, little box where nothing can ever be wrong, and everything has to be just so, we don't get to tap into this power of creativity, and curiosity, and mistake-making and failure, right? 

So, while fixed mindset is full of expectations and assumptions, right—like, your qualities are inherent, so just show us that you are who we think you are, hmm? Oh, are you a good lawyer? Well, prove it to us by never losing a case. Oh, are you a good businessperson? Well, prove it to us by only ever having successful launches. Oh, are you a good coach or consultant? Well, prove it to us by having legions of clients with epic successes. Yeah? Notice it's all external. It's like the outsides have to demonstrate that I am actually good or smart or worthwhile as a person. 

On the other side, growth mindset says instead, "Oh, no, you're actually always cultivating your qualities, your talents, your abilities." Like, sure, you might have some proclivities. Like, you might be more of an introvert or more of an extrovert, or you might be more of a numbers person, a data person, or you might be more into linguistics, and self-expression through language. 

Growth mindset doesn't declare that you are a completely blank slate—not at all. But it does say that you are always growing, so there aren't really expectations or assumptions here. There isn't really anything to prove because who you are seen as through growth mindset is a growing person in, I will add, a changing world. 

This, to me, is so incredibly freeing, because it invites curiosity and creativity. It invites intentionality. Now that I am not expected to be any one way, now that I'm not trying to prove myself, what I get to do is what I'm interested in. What I get to do is to learn and grow, right? 

So, in growth mindset, failure and mistakes are boons. They're wonderful. They're excellent, right? They are make or break when you're coming from a fixed mindset perspective. 

In fixed mindset, when you fail or when you make a mistake, you are not meeting the expectation and, therefore, you are calling into question whether or not you are smart, good, worthy. But with growth mindset, when you make a mistake or you fail, that doesn't say anything about who you are or about what you are capable of. All it says is that you now have more fodder for growth. You have another learning opportunity. 

So, growth mindset is requisite for fucking around and finding out. It is requisite for trying new things. It is requisite for stretching ourselves into the unknown, and maybe, most importantly, it is requisite for being in this ever-changing world.

I don't know about you but, for me, these [laugh] last three years especially have shown me how much can change, how quickly. This world is changing all the time, so of course I am changing too. The markets aren't the same. The households aren't the same. The world is not the same. 

And, so, the more permission I have to experiment and to play and to figure it out and, yeah, while I'm doing that, to make some mistakes and to fail, to have things not go the way I expected. Like, the more freedom I have to allow my own self to change in this ever-changing world, the better and better I can get at surfing those waves of change, right? 

With a fixed mindset, often what will happen is we will go out there to catch a wave of opportunity, let's say. It doesn't go the way we expected, right? Let's just say, we wipe out. We crash and burn, and then we come into the shore, and we stand there with our arms crossed, mad at the ocean, mad at ourselves, and just thinking, "This isn't for me. I can't do this." 

Growth mindset, on the other hand, is about being out there, being like, OK, I'm learning about my board, and what I need to support me. I'm learning about this ocean. I'm learning about the way that it is showing up today. I'm learning about myself. I'm learning about what feels good. I'm learning about what doesn't feel good. 

I'm learning about what used to work for me but isn't working anymore. I'm learning. I'm not trying to rinse and repeat in this life. I'm understanding that I am a growing, changing person, and maybe most importantly, I see growth and learning themselves as success.

Remember, with fixed mindset, I'm always looking outside of myself for proof that I'm good and smart and worthy. But from growth mindset, I am not looking for external proof that I am good. Rather, I'm understanding that I am inherently growing and, thus, what's good is learning. What's good is integrating. What's good is trying. 

What's good is showing up. What's good is creating. And, so, why and how then is growth mindset so important when it comes to potency? Well, one, like I mentioned before, it's important because it allows us access to creativity, and to curiosity, and to play, and to experimentation. And there's so much power and energy available in that place.

When we are not trying to force things and we're not trying to control things but, rather, we're opening up to co-creating with the world, with opportunities that come our way, with the challenges that come our way, right? We're more engaged. And I'm going to say, we're more honestly engaged, right? 

We're not having this illusion that the world is ours to conquer. I'm not here to dominate; I'm here to help. And I'm not here to prove myself; I'm here to enjoy myself. I'm here to delight. And the more I can step into co-creativity and curiosity, the more I get to do that, the less afraid I am of making a mistake. The less afraid I am of failing, the more opportunities and power I will have to try.

So, the other reason that growth mindset is so important for potency is that it keeps us open to learning about ourselves. Because if I'm here to learn and grow, and not to prove myself, then I have the opportunity to ask myself, "What do I want now in this phase?" Yeah? 

I'm not just going to reach for whatever bar is being held out to me. If I am in this place of fixed mindset where I'm always needing validation, and I'm always needing to prove that I am good and smart and worthy, I'm reaching for things not because I want to or because that's a direction in which I want to grow; I'm reaching for them because they're being held out to me. Right? 

So, this looks like going for a promotion that you don't even really want, or setting a huge revenue goal for your business when you don't necessarily even want to grow your business that much. When we're thinking, "How would I like to grow, or what qualities am I wanting to cultivate within myself?" then our goals get much more interesting. They are much more in integrity with our actual desires. 

And—big shocker here—when we are dedicated to what we actually want, when we are stretching ourselves, and expanding our self-definition in the direction of our desires, hell yes, we have way more power than we do if we are trying to reach a bar that someone is holding out for us just to prove that we can. 

When I'm expanding and stretching my self-definition, when I'm growing as a person, then I get to ask myself, "So, what do I want to practice and learn?" Some of the challenges in my life right now, how do I want to grow in response to these challenges, and what do I need? What approach works for me? 

With growth mindset, we get to ask ourselves those two questions again and again and again, because it may be that sometimes all we need is rest, and we need a simple approach. And it may be that other times, actually, we're rested, and things are simple, and what we need is excitement. And what we want is an approach that livens things up. 

Everything is always changing in this world, and so are we, and so growth mindset gets us to ask again and again, "All right, well, what now and what now?" You know, with fixed mindset, sometimes we can get frozen in a past version of ourselves, and that past version's goals and desires and pressures. And with growth mindset, we're saying, "No. I'm changing all the time." And, so, with what purpose do I want to change? 

In Mindset, Carol Dweck talks about how people with fixed mindset are often deeply discouraged and even immobilized in the face of setbacks and challenges, right? And she writes that this makes sense because to fixed mindset people, there should not be challenges. There should not be setbacks. Right? 

It's like, "No, I'm too smart for that. I should have been able to avoid it. I should have been able to figure it out. I should have been able to see this coming, right, because I'm supposed to be smart, and smart people don't have setbacks." 

I mean, when you say it out loud, it's like what the hell? [laugh] Like, it just—of course, it doesn't work that way. But that's what fixed mindset says is that, like, if you failed, it is all your fault, and it probably means you're a fraud. It probably means you're not up for this. It probably means something about you as a person.

From growth mindset, a setback is a challenge, and challenges are great because challenges are rich in growth opportunity. From growth mindset, setbacks are, again, they're just fodder for learning. Like, growth mindset is very that quotation about Thomas Edison saying that, you know, every time he discovered a way to not have a light bulb, he was like, "Oh, good, now I know another way not to do it."

And growth mindset, I think, does look at setbacks, mistakes, and failures in that way. I know so many beautiful, brilliant people who are holding themselves back from trying something out because they are afraid of what it will mean if they fail. And I also support lots of people who—part of them does believe this. Oh, and by the way, we always have a little bit of fixed mindset—of course, we do. We're human beings, right? 

But these folks, rich in growth mindset, have learned through practice to be kind and compassionate with that inner scaredy-cat, that inner judge, that fixed mindset, and instead to turn purposefully toward a growth mindset to say, "Yeah, but how am I learning and growing, and what else do I need, and what approach might work for me?"

I really want you to know, as potent as this year has been for me, I have made a lot of mistakes. I've made unhelpful investments. I've overscheduled and under-scheduled myself. I've tried to sell things that nobody has purchased. 

Like, that has all happened this year. And, yet, it's been a potent year because each time I tried to, A, love myself through that challenging experience, and then, B, I've kept asking myself the question, "OK, but how is this helping me grow, and how can I grow to meet this challenge?" it has been challenging. I want you to know that. 

But each mistake, each setback, each thing that didn't turn out the way I hoped and expected it to, I used all my coaching tools [laugh] to keep myself from making it mean something about me because, again, from the perspective of fixed mindset, the external world is simply a place where we prove ourselves. But from growth mindset, the external world is actually a place where we learn and grow and expand and stretch and discover. 

And this does not mean that wrong turns and poor decisions are not going to happen. Mistakes will be made. That's going to happen. But the overall trajectory is one of growth and expansion, and so every challenge, every setback actually just fuels even more growth. 

So, the very last thing I have to offer you regarding this particular ingredient, growth mindset, in the potency potion is this. When we cultivate growth mindset, it's not just about looking forward into, like, how do I want to grow? It is also so important to look at how I am growing, and how I have grown. 

We need to appreciate growth in ourselves, and appreciate, meaning, give it more and more value so that we are not only ever celebrating successes, or even maybe what the world looks at as success. Rather, what we are celebrating, what we are learning to give more and more value to are growth and learning.

This is something that I built into my Time Witchery planner. There's an Appreciations section in every single day where it's like, "OK. How can I appreciate some of the things that I'm doing that are really working for me?" It's integrated also into these week-to-week pages. So, I have a page that ends one week, and begins another. And when you look back at last week, I invite you to wonder, "What am I learning? What am I learning right now?"

There are more tools than that in Time Witchery for looking back and looking forward. But that's really the point, is that growth mindset thrives when we are attending to how we're growing. So, not just how we want to grow but also how we have grown, and how we are growing. We start to give that more weight and more attention. And, of course, wherever we put our attention and intentions thrives. 

All right, my love. I'm so glad that you listened today. I don't know about you but, whew, so many people in my life, in my circles are entering 2023 very soberly, meaning, we are well aware that this year will bring challenges. Like [laugh], we know. I mean, we've lived through 2020 and 2021 and 2022. We lived through 2016 through 2020. 

We've been through a lot, and so we know this year will bring challenges. And so many of us are still waiting for the moment that things, quote, unquote, get back to normal, but I don't think normal is coming back. I think that we have a much more clear-eyed perspective of this life and this world, and really of how much change is possible. 

Like, it turns out that we can do things completely differently here on planet Earth. And, so, since that is the case, how do we want to do them? Who do we want to be? What is the fuel we will need in order to create the world that we want, in order to be the people we want to be? How is this going to feel? What are the values that all of this is centered around? 

How have we grown through the challenges we have been facing? And, given that, how do we want to grow, moving forward? And when you answer those kinds of questions with regard to your work, your health, your relationships, your home, you name it, you will conjure so much potency in whatever it is that you are making next. Thank you so much for listening, as always, and bye for now.

Thank you for listening to this episode of Mind Witchery. To catch all the magic I’m offering, please subscribe to the show, or if you want a little bit of weekly witchiness in your inbox, sign up for my Sunday Letter at mindwitchery.com. If today’s episode made you think of a friend or loved one, your sister, your neighbor, please tell them about it. We need more magic-makers in this troubled world. 

Like all good things, this podcast is co-created by stellar people. Our music is by fabulous DJ, artist, and producer, Shammy Dee. Our gorgeous art is by the sorcerers at New Moon Creative. Mind Witchery is produced in conjunction with Particulate Media, K.O. Myers, executive producer. And I am Natalie Miller. Till next time. 

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