A Spell to Cultivate Consistency

Alright, my love. This week’s spell

is From me. But it’s also For me.

It’s for you, and for everyone

who struggles to show up on the regular.

Consistency may not come naturally,

but that doesn't mean you can't nurture it.

What story are you telling yourself

about why you find it challenging?

Subscribe! Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Pandora | Spotify | Stitcher | TuneIn

Make Magic:

The secret to consistency is not

forcing yourself to follow

someone else’s system.

It’s about finding the modes,

the methods, and the moods

that work best for you.

Transcript: A Spell to Cultivate Consistency

Natalie Miller: Welcome to Mind Witchery. I’m your host, Natalie Miller, and I’m so glad you’re here. 

Hello, my dear. I'm glad you're here today. So, today's episode is [laughs]—it's really for me as much as it is from me. And, by the way, that is how all of these spells come to be. It's like I'm over here, figuring out how to make it work for myself. I'm over here, trying to figure out how to be brave and balanced and rested and growing. 

Like [laughs], these spells very much come from my own, well, the way I always put it is my own sort of journeys into the deep, dark woods of self-love and personal growth. So [laughs], this one is very much coming from my lived experience because, can I tell you, I encountered a lot of resistance this week in showing up to create an episode. 

Now, I can think of a lot of reasons why that may be. I've been creating lots of other things lately, so my creative energy has been channeled into many, many places. Also, I'm really invested right now in helping my body to heal. I've had some chronic health stuff that I'm addressing at a deeper level. So, this is all to say that it makes sense that I'm not feeling like I'm full to the brim of creative energy that's got to pour out and into this podcast. 

And, at the same time, I'm really proud to say that I've showed up every single week since I started this podcast. I think this is episode number 86. Like, 86 weeks in a row, I've showed up. Even I took a tiny break, but I showed up to create something for those breaks, and that feels so huge to me, and something that I've had to figure out how to do. 

So that's what today's spell is about. Today's spell is about cultivating consistency because, can I tell you, this does not come naturally to me [laugh], not at all. So, perhaps you are someone for whom consistency is native. Like, maybe it comes naturally to you. It does not to me. [laugh] 

So, this one especially goes out to everyone who is wanting more consistency, maybe with a practice or a habit, maybe in a certain part of your day. Like, this is really—this is for you because I've really had to learn how to do this for my own self.

OK. When I say that consistency doesn't come naturally to me, I'll tell you this. There's an assessment called CliftonStrengths, and it sort of describes what you are naturally kind of tending toward, like ways of being in the world. And there are 34 CliftonStrengths, and it ranks them from 1 to 34.

So, for me, consistency is number 34. [laugh] It's at the very, very bottom, which makes sense because at the very, very top is ideation, like idea creation. At the very, very top is adaptability. I am a very go-with-the-flow kind of person. So, there are all kinds of consistency strategies that just do not work for me.

So, for example, I can't really assign a particular day to a particular task. Like, I can't say, "Oh, on Mondays, I look at my money. It's Money Mondays." It doesn't work. [laugh] It doesn't work for me. 

Time blocking doesn't work for me. Like, I can't really say, "Oh, I see clients on this day at this time, and then I write on this day at that time." Mm, nope [laugh], it doesn't work for me. 

I am a very adaptable, sensitive, go-with-the-flow kind of person. If it is a cloudy day, I am like a very different inhabitant of the world than if it is a sunny day, for example. So, how I have learned to cultivate consistency because I really have, I show up for this podcast every week. I also show up for my Sunday Letter every week. Every single Sunday, I send a letter. 

For years now, I have a morning practice, a morning self-coaching practice that I do every day. That is actually a practice that I am building into my Time Witchery Planner. It's very exciting. [laugh] Time Witchery is coming out at the end of this year, but that's something I show up for every single day. And I'm even now building in a new practice. It's an energy clearing practice, and I'm building that in now to my everyday life. 

So, even as I am a very adaptable, go-with-the-flow, I don't really know what I'll be doing today kind of person, at the same time, I've figured out how to cultivate consistency, and so I want to share that with you. It's something I talk about with my friends a lot. It's something I talk about with my clients a lot, so. 

And just today, it's [laugh] something that I needed to tap into. I had to cast this very spell today to show up to record this episode. So, here you have it. 

So, the first thing that underlies consistency is a really clear why. For me, this is so important to have the thing, the practice, the endeavor, to have it grounded in my values. Like, why is it that I want to show up to record this podcast? Why is it that I want to show up to write a Sunday Letter? Why is it that I want to build a consistent energy practice? Like why? What are the values that undergird this?

And, for me, it's very important that these are personal values, like, this is actually coming from me. So, one of the values that gets me showing up for my Sunday Letter and for this podcast is creativity. Like, creativity is really important to me, and I want an outlet for it. I need an occasion for it. So, it helps me to have these weekly containers—a letter, a podcast—where I'm encouraged, maybe even sometimes challenged, to step into creative expression. So, that's one. 

Another for me is reliability. It actually really matters to me to show up for you. Like [laugh], that's really helpful to me to know that you are out there relying on me publishing an episode on Thursday; to know that people are waking up on Sunday morning, checking their emails, and hoping for, waiting for a message from me.

So, this doesn't feel heavy or yucky. It doesn't feel like an obligation. To me, it really feels like an honor, like, wow, I've created this outlet for creative expression. I've created an outlet for generosity, another value that's really important to me. I like to be generous. I like to teach. I like to share what I am learning. And to know that there are people counting on that, that helps me too. 

So, number one, how do I maintain a consistency? Well, it's fueled by these values. It's grounded in these values: creativity, generosity, reliability. 

A second thing that I do to cultivate consistency is I take time really to appreciate how it feels to show up, like, how good it feels to climb the stairs in my home after I've recorded an episode to know, OK, I showed up. This works also with things like a workout or an energy practice or, maybe for some of you, a meditation or something like that. It's like really noticing when you're done, how good it feels. 

I've heard so many times from people, they'll say, "Well, I don't want to actually do the thing. I don't want to do the workout. But I want to have done the workout," [laugh] like, and that's legitimate. So, really noticing the multiple layers of satisfaction and goodness we get from showing up, that also—that helps me to show up more consistently. It's like, oh, I know that feeling is coming. I know how good it feels to have done it.

I say all of this, and want to put an asterisk right here, which is that if you can't find personal values, like, a personal why in which to ground your showing up, or if it doesn't feel good to show up—so, I'm thinking, for example, you know, let's say you're trying to show up consistently for a workout that really is a big should. Like, you are believing you should be running. But the why for running isn't really clear beyond that your partner does it or your fat-shamey doctor recommended it. I don't know. [laugh] 

Like, it's like if the why isn't personal to you, then big asterisk here. And, also, if it doesn't feel good, like, if you come home from the run and you feel terrible—this was actually happening to me this summer. I was wanting to walk consistently. Maybe you even remember. I was like, "I want to walk the Appalachian Trail." I was really excited to walk.

But, my love, I would come home from walking, and my legs would just ache, like, not in a satisfied way but in a painful way. And like I told you, I've been figuring out some chronic health stuff, and I've been really honoring a very deep, energetic depletion that I'm dealing with. And I realized that my after-walk feeling was not satisfying or delicious. It was—it just—it didn't feel good.

So, if you can't find a personal value and/or if it doesn't feel good to show up for the thing that you are trying to show up for, then I deeply insist that you take a closer look at why you're asking yourself to do something that you don't really want to do. There are other things you can show up for consistently. OK?

All right. So, that sort of brings me to the next really important concept when it comes to cultivating consistency, and that is this. I am always remembering that I exist at choice. That is, there's never a have to. "Oh, I have to record a podcast. I have to write a letter. I have to do my practice." No, never.

I don't have to do anything. And as a person who more naturally orients toward adaptability and go with the flow, this is so fucking vital that I remember always, always that I exist at choice. I always have a choice. I never have to show up. I'm always choosing to show up. In that way, my consistency, and we could also say my creativity, my generosity, my reliability is coming from a self-centered place from, a place of integrity. 

There's no should or have to that's pushing or pulling me. I am not compelled to do these things. I am impelled. It is coming from inside me. And, for me, that does a couple of things. Number one, it helps to keep my consistency flexible. [laugh] And what I mean by that is, yes, I am going to show up consistently, but I'm always going to do it in a way that works for me.

So, for example, with these podcasts, I record them every single week, but the day and time that I record them, that is completely up to me. What I will talk about, that is what I feel like talking about. There is a great deal of adaptability. There's a ton of space for my ideation, right? 

I'm not a person who is—much to my producers and assistants' chagrin initially, I think, I'm not a person who can say, "OK, here's the plan for the next eight podcasts." For me, personally, that doesn't work. If I'm going to show up consistently, I know that what works for me is saying, "OK, editor needs the show by this day, so I know, at some point before that day, I will show up to record." And some weeks, like this week, it is at the very last minute.

I don't judge that at all, because I've decided what's important is creativity, reliability, generosity, including with myself. So, where the podcast is concerned, that's what I've figured out. OK. Knowing that this is kind of the due date for the episode, that's important. And knowing that I will show up every week, but I don't actually have to decide ahead of time what I'm gonna be talking about, that's important, right? 

I figured out what works for me. I exist at choice. I'm showing up consistently, reliably, creatively, generously, and I'm doing it in the way that works. Now for me, it's not really the same with the Sunday Letter. With the Sunday Letter, what I have figured out is that actually writing it on Sunday mornings is what works. And this is actually, I think, a holdover, an extension of something I did for almost a decade, which was to teach yoga classes every Sunday morning.

So, I had cultivated over many years a practice of waking up on Sunday morning, and kind of creating a bit of a little yoga sermon. The way I find it works for me is that Saturday afternoon, Saturday evening, I start to kind of open up to the ideas that want to come through. And then I trust that Sunday morning, there will be something ready to say.

And I allow ample time for that to happen, so I don't schedule anything. If you could see me, you would see me sometimes waking up at like 4:30 because I woke up extra early, doing my energy practice, and then sitting down to write. Or you might see me waking up at 8:00, and not doing the energy practice first but making a cup of coffee and sitting down to write.

So, again, I don't put loads of conditions and parameters around showing up. Like, I could send a Sunday Letter at 1:00 p.m., and that for me would be fine. That would count. I could send a Sunday Letter that consists of one question, which I have done. Sometimes, I don't write a whole thing. Sometimes, I just ask a question. 

I've figured out what works for me and—and this is really important—I have declared that everything counts. So, there's not like some enormous bar to jump over every time I'm asking myself to show up. Everything counts. 

Showing up is a huge part of the point. And that was so important in getting me here today, was to say, "All right, Natalie, you're doing the expanding capacities series, but the next expanding capacities spell, it just doesn't feel ready yet." So, how do you show up? 

And I had to kind of dig into exactly what I'm sharing with you. And I thought, "Oh, well, yeah, that's what I'll share. [laugh] I'll share what I'm actually doing right now, and that will count—and that will count." Yeah? 

OK. So, your values and your why, really important. Appreciating how it feels to show up, really important. Remembering that you exist at choice, that you can figure out what works for you, you can make it work for you, and then allowing everything to count. Recognizing that showing up consistently, in and of itself, is a victory. 

So, let's say what you're trying to do is you're trying to meditate, and you're finding it difficult to do the 25-minute meditation practice you want to do. So, you figure out, OK, well, what is the very minimum way I can show up for meditation? And maybe it's, you know what, I'm going to take three really present mindful breaths. You know what? I'm going to put both feet on the ground. I'm going to upturn my hands in my lap. I'm going to sit and listen, just listen to the world around me for a few breaths.

Yes, I showed up today. I showed up to meditate. Did I do my 25-minute practice? No. Does it matter? No, because so much of the point is just cultivating consistency here. So, when I show up to write a Sunday Letter, and it turns out that all I've got in me is one question, I was still creative. I was still reliable. I was still generous. I still showed up. It counts. It all counts. Everything counts.

All right, one last little bit here. It is so important to watch the stories that we tell ourselves around consistency—so important. So, like I said at the very, very beginning of this episode, if you look at my CliftonStrengths, you will see consistency all the way at the bottom. And I could take that, and I could say, "Well, you see, I'm just not a person who's meant to be consistent."

And, indeed, I could point to—I did a little bit—but I could point to so many areas of my life where I am not consistent at all. I am responsive. I am receptive. I am flexible. I'm adaptable. I'm not consistent. But, just as I exist at choice, I am also here to grow. It's a very fixed mindset kind of situation to just declare that's not who I am. I am not capable of it. 

Much more empowering to me, much more honest actually, is that I can use my strengths. I can tap into my strengths to learn to cultivate consistency in myself. Really, all I have to do is to figure out what works for me because aren't there things I do consistently? Don't I consistently have my coffee in the morning? Yes, I do. 

Don't I consistently take a bath at night? I do. OK, cool. How is that happening? Why is that happening? How can I tap into what's working there, and apply it someplace else? You see? And, look, what undergirds my coffee-drinking in the mornings and bath times in the evenings is totally a personal why. It's totally appreciating how it feels. 

I always remember I exist at choice there. I have figured out what really works for me. I want to do those things. There is desire there, and so I tap into the desire. Why do I want to do this? Why did I want to show up for this podcast today? I tap into that desire, and I use that to fuel my personal and personalized cultivation of consistency.

OK. So, there are a lot of pieces to this puzzle, and I want to review them for you just one more time, right? How do we cultivate consistency? Or, rather I'll say, how have I as a very adaptable, go-with-the-flow, inconsistent-leaning kind of person, how have I learned to cultivate consistency? 

So, number one, I figure out my why. I tap into the desire. Why do I want this? And I pin into, I ground into values that I hold dear. Number two, I really appreciate, I give more attention and more value to how it feels when I have shown up. 

It's very easy to get instant "yes, that was a good idea" from coffee or from a bath. It's a little harder sometimes to get it from showing up for writing or meditating or recording. But I do it intentionally.

Like, I'm about to finish this, and I will walk up the stairs, and I'll be like, "Ooh, oh gosh, that feels so good." Like, it's done, and it's going out to the people, and I expressed myself today. 

OK. So, number three, I remember I exist at choice. There is no have to, ever, for me. It's want to. No, I want to. I don't have to do anything. I don't have to write. I don't have to record. I don't have to meditate. I exist at Choice. I am choosing to do this.

And in choosing to do this, number four, I am figuring out what works for me. I'm not following someone else's formula. I'm figuring out what works for me. When's the best time of day for me? What's the best approach for me? 

What helps me to show up. Am I a person who benefits from an app or a tracker? Am I a person who actually could care less about the app or tracker--I am that person [laugh]--and needs another kind of motivation, like, an audience of people expecting me, a class of yogis waiting for me, right? So, whatever it is that helps me to show up, let me tap into that. 

Number five, everything counts when it comes to showing up consistently. Like, if you're trying to walk every day, you could put on your shoes, and walk out the front door and back in and, yes, you walked today. That's really, really important to broaden and to expand the criteria for what counts.

And then, finally, it's to be willing to edit, to keep writing the stories that we tell about ourselves, so, to inhabit growth mindset here, to remember that we are always growing. We are always learning. We are always figuring it out. Even if consistency is not native to us, growth is. We are here to grow, so let us remember that, and let us not tell a story about ourselves that's all the reasons why we can't, and is rather a curiosity, an openness to figuring out how we can. 

OK. Well, that feels like a nice ending. [laugh] Thank you so much for listening. I appreciate you being here. It matters to me. As you've heard in this episode, it matters to me that you are here. Thanks so much for listening. Bye for now.

Thank you for listening to this episode of Mind Witchery. To catch all the magic I’m offering, please subscribe to the show, or if you want a little bit of weekly witchiness in your inbox, sign up for my Sunday Letter at mindwitchery.com. If today’s episode made you think of a friend or loved one, your sister, your neighbor, please tell them about it. We need more magic-makers in this troubled world. 

Like all good things, this podcast is co-created by stellar people. Our music is by fabulous DJ, artist, and producer, Shammy Dee. Our gorgeous art is by the sorcerers at New Moon Creative. Mind Witchery is produced in conjunction with Particulate Media, K.O. Myers, executive producer. And I am Natalie Miller. Till next time. 

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