A Spell for Unhooking from Urgency

Our dominant culture overwhelmingly operates at the speed of Now.
When the world is telling you that Faster is Better,
it takes enormous courage to say No.
This spell will help you to trust that
everything is unfolding at its own pace.

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Mentioned: The delightful plant that started with sticks in a jar of water, and refused to grow on any timetable but its own.

Make Magic:

When we want things to go more swiftly,
what we really want is to get to the good result.
When it's hard to wait, and you're tempted to rush,
ask yourself what's really important for this goal.
Does Fast really match up with your values,
and the way you want to feel when the project is done?

Transcript: A Spell for Unhooking from Urgency

Natalie Miller: Welcome to Mind Witchery. I’m your host, Natalie Miller, and I’m so glad you’re here. 

Hello, my love. Thank you so much for being here today. Today’s spell, very frankly, is for me as much as it is for you. I should say I hope it’s for you. It’s definitely for me, because I am finding myself in a place where I’m asking myself to hurry up, to make things happen rather than allow things to happen, and to manifest, to do more quickly than I really feel like doing.

And I know this will resonate with some of you because this is something that I coach on a lot, this sense of urgency that we have. And, you know, I think in a lot of ways, this is cultural, right? I mean, we live in a time of Amazon Prime. [laugh] I remember I ordered a Lego set like at 7 p.m. in December, and it was at my door at midnight. Like, what? Whoa, that is really fast. 

Besides living in a time of Amazon Prime, culturally, we do like urgency. [laugh] We do like a sense of urgency, and so we have 30-day money back guarantees. We have what’s going to happen in the president’s first 100 days? There’s a—there’s this privileging of immediacy, right? Two-day shipping, next-day shipping, see results in just seven days, yeah?

So, what I mean to say by this is that we are all immersed in a broader culture that really values urgency and immediacy and speed. And, yet, we are all organic creatures. We are humans, and life, it turns out, moves at the speed of life. So, for me personally, this is really resonating right now because I have a couple of projects that I am enthusiastic and excited to bring into the world and, at the same time, I’m noticing that I’m pushing for things to go more quickly than I really want them to go.

And that has created for me this internal conflict, right? You know me. I’m always here, and I’m always in your Sunday Letters. I’m always in the world saying that our desires, our ability to flow in the direction of what we want is the—that is the place where we have the most power. And, yet [laugh], I’m still a 21st century woman in the 21st century United States, just wishing things were going faster than they are.

So, I had this beautiful reminder this morning that life moves at the speed of life, and that things take time sometimes. This reminder came in the form of thinking and talking about a couple of my houseplants. I have a houseguest here, and she was admiring a couple of the different plants. And I pulled out this one that is a real favorite of mine, and I told her that this particular plant, once upon a time, started from what are called wet sticks. 

I don’t know if—I don’t know how plant-y you all are. But in the plant community, there is a thing [laugh] called a wet stick. It’s basically—it’s a little chunk of a stem of a plant that has a growth node on it but nothing else. So, it’s not—a lot of propagations, it’ll be like a leaf with a node on it. But this has just—like, it’s a stem. It’s a stem chunk with a growth node. 

And I think I swapped for these wet sticks in a plant swap or something last spring. And I wasn’t quite sure what to do with them. The interwebs told me, hmm, put them in water, and put them on your windowsill—so, I did. And, my friend, nothing happened. I mean, it didn’t look like anything was happening. Obviously, something was happening under the surface but, from my vantage, nothing was happening.

I would change the water. I had basically like little two-inch sticks in a formerly spice jar [laugh] on my windowsill for months—months. And then one day, I went to change the water, and I noticed, oh, there are some little roots beginning to grow out of the growth node. Perfect. Oh, my gosh, the wet stick is growing roots.

But please be clear about this. No plant yet. No leaves. No sign of anything else; just some roots growing. So, I left them for another couple of months—months—on my windowsill. I let them, the roots, grow, and they did—grow, they did. And, oh, I should tell you there were, I think, five sticks, and a couple of them started, you know, let’s say, June, and then a couple of them lagged behind. So, they didn’t all start making their roots at the same time, and I just kept them all, yeah?

So, let’s say it’s now August or September, and the roots are a good two-inches long, so I know this plant is ready for soil, and I plant the sticks. Now, usually, when you do a propagation, you have a leaf sticking out, so you know that the leaf is photosynthesizing, and, you know, like, it’s just kind of—it seems more like a plant. [laugh] This was me just burying a stick with roots growing out of it into some potting soil, and that’s what I did. And I now put the little pot back on the windowsill, and I waited.

And before long, I started to see growth. Before long, I started to see little shoots coming up and out of the dirt. I started a month later to see tiny leaves beginning to form. And, so, as I was showing my houseguest, my friend, this plant, and I was telling her the story about it, I was remembering, oh, my gosh, for months, all I had were sticks in a jar of water. 

But I—as we do with plants, because you really can’t rush them. You can give them fertilizer. You can give them grow lights. You can help the process along, but you can’t make it happen faster than it’s just going to happen. And I realized as I finished telling my friend, my houseguest, this story about this plant that that was exactly the medicine I needed for this moment. I needed to remember that things can and do unfold in their own time. 

I’m definitely going to have to put a picture of this beautiful plant in the Show Notes [laugh] so you can see how pretty it is, and you can also see how there are parts of it that have really taken off, and then there are other parts that are going a little more slowly, growing a little more slowly, and that this plant is right on time. This is all happening right on time.

So, let’s talk a little bit about how to shift from urgency and hurry and rush, from a believing that this isn’t going fast enough, or I’m behind, into a more relaxed and open and receptive place. So, the first thing—and I guess this is the spell—is life moves at the speed of life. This project moves at the speed of this project. My relationship moves at the speed of my relationship—meaning, I’m going to trust that this particular cocreation is unfolding at just the right speed. 

And just because someone else’s is going faster, or because my own anxiety and expectations are pressing and pulling this to go faster, it doesn’t mean that faster is actually better. So, it can help in these places to check in with our values. What is really important to me when it comes to this project, for example? Is it more important to me that it is fast, or that it is thorough? Is speed important, or is integrity important?

So, checking in with your values, like what is really important here, and also with your desired feelings, and so really thinking about, yeah, how do I really want to feel? How do I want to feel? Is it really speed that I’m after, or do I want to feel a sense of accomplishment? Is it really speed I’m after, or do I want to feel ease? So, checking in with values and feelings, and then taking the actions not that speed things along but, rather, the actions that cultivate, that promote those values and feelings.

And I do again here—I want to acknowledge and honor that this is deeply countercultural. It’s deeply countercultural. Our culture is in such a hurry, and the hurry that our culture is in comes at a very steep expense. It’s at the expense of our environment. It’s at the expense of working people. It’s at the expense of our mental health. We pay dearly for the hurry that we are in.

And for those of us who don’t want to live that way, for those of us who see a different and more aligned way of being, that values orientation is so important because we realize we are stans for a less urgent way of being on the planet. Please know that I know this asks for immense trust [laugh]: trust in yourself; trust in the process; trust—you know, I can say the project moves at the speed of the project. The urgency is not a measure of its goodness. I can say that. 

But when the dominant culture is telling me the opposite all the time, when the dominant culture is saying, “No, the faster, the better; the faster, the better,” it is really courageous to say, “No, I trust that everything’s unfolding at its own pace; that life moves at the speed of life; that integrity and balance are more important than speed and urgency. I choose to cocreate in a way that lets me go with the flow of my inspiration, of my energy, and I’m not—I am no longer available to rush and hurry and push.”

One final note that I find helpful to remember is that when I say life moves at the speed of life, I don’t actually mean that it always goes so slowly because, as you have no doubt seen, sometimes, life moves very quickly. Sometimes, pieces that have been assembling themselves very slowly all come and click together and move very fast. So, when you are moving with the flow of life, that means that you also get to sometimes look down at the metaphorical plant, and realize that where there was one little, tiny leaf, now there are a dozen.

And it might help you to find examples of this in your own life, in the environment around you. I love to look at an avocado, right? [laugh] An avocado, it’s hard. It’s very hard. It’s hard as a rock. It’s hard as a rock. And then, all of a sudden, it’s over-ripe. [laugh] Like, that happens very quickly. And, so, what I like to do is to be very present with myself, with my environment, with whatever speed things are moving along at, and that is where I find the most potency, right, potency which is different than speed, and which is, I think, what we are actually after.

When we want something to go more quickly, really what we want is the good result. Really what we want is for it to work—and not everything works on the same next-day shipping timeline. Ooh, ooh, ooh, and one more thing I want to share. When a situation truly calls for urgency, like when you really need to make it happen, there’s very little resistance. 

Like, if your child or your friend walked into the room with a big bleeding cut, and was like, “Help me,” you wouldn’t be like, “Oh, gosh, I don’t know. I know I should help you but I just really don’t feel like it.” No, it’s truly urgent. You would say, “Come here. Let’s take care of you. Let’s see what needs to be done.” 

I’ve certainly had moments in my life where I have really needed to make a move or make some money. Like, it has been essential. And in those moments, it has not been difficult to step into the flow of action. I want you to trust that too. I want me to trust that too. As life moves at the speed of life, yes, sometimes, there are urgent moments, and we will meet the urgency of those moments with clear urgency ourselves.

It might help you to look for examples of that in your own life too. Where did a moment call for urgency, and how easy was it in that moment to respond with urgency? OK. So, this means that if you are feeling a sense of urgency but you’re also resisting that urgency, it’s probably culturally generated urgency; not actual urgency. Whew, human-ing, it is a challenge and a delight.

OK, my love, a little review. A spell for unhooking from urgency, because that is really what it is. It’s the cultural urgency that hooks us and drags us along. And if you will not be dragged, then you must unhook from the urgency. So, number one, remembering life moves at the speed of life. This project moves at the speed of this project. Everything is right on time. There is no hurry. There is no hurry. Life moves at the speed of life.

And where’s the proof of that? Where have I seen in my own life that something seemed to be going so slowly or nothing seemed to be happening? I had sticks in a jar and then, all of a sudden, everything blossomed in its right timing. So, remembering those moments, and doing a little bit of values orientation, a little bit of quality control, we could say. 

What is more important than speed? What is more important than urgency? How do you want to feel? And can you trust that as life is moving at the speed of life, the very best thing for you to do is to be present and to be orienting toward that which is truly important to you, and that which feels good?

Just this morning, I did not want to record this podcast. I love you, and I love recording. I had no idea. I don’t know. I was just—ugh—I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t want to. And, so, instead of forcing myself to come down and to sit in front of the mic, I pottered around the plants, and I had a chat with my friend. And, sure enough, the inspiration came through, and here we are. That is how life and work and creativity really can flow if we are courageous enough, self-trusting enough to allow it. 

OK. So, wherever it is that the cultural sense of urgency is dragging you along, wherever it is that you are in a hurry, that you are resisting allowing life to move at the speed of life, I hope so much that you will cast this spell. Because when you are doing it, you are joining the counterculture that is here for a more sustainable, a more loving, a more natural way of being. Thank you so much for listening. Bye for now. 

Thank you for listening to this episode of Mind Witchery. To catch all the magic I’m offering, please subscribe to the show, or if you want a little bit of weekly witchiness in your inbox, sign up for my Sunday Letter at mindwitchery.com. If today’s episode made you think of a friend or loved one, your sister, your neighbor, please tell them about it. We need more magic-makers in this troubled world. 

Like all good things, this podcast is cocreated by stellar people. Our music is by fabulous DJ, artist, and producer, Shammy Dee. Our gorgeous art is by the sorcerers at New Moon Creative. Mind Witchery is produced in conjunction with Particulate Media, K.O. Myers, executive producer. And I am Natalie Miller. Till next time. 

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