Why You Should Teach What You Have To Learn

Contrary to popular belief, being in the process of figuring things out yourself can make you an even more effective teacher or coach. Many assume that teaching implies mastery, but often it's those still navigating challenges who offer the most valuable insights. And by embracing your ongoing journey of growth, you gain a deeper understanding, connect more authentically with others, and continuously innovate.

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Mentioned:

Emily Nagoski, Ph.D., author of Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life https://www.emilynagoski.com/

Make Magic:

Embrace your journey of growth and share it authentically with others. By teaching what you're still learning, you not only deepen your understanding but also foster meaningful connections and inspire continuous evolution.

Transcript: Why You Should Teach What You Have To Learn

Natalie Miller: Welcome to Mind Witchery. I’m your host, Natalie Miller, and I’m so glad you’re here. 

Hello, my dear. Welcome to today's episode of Mind Witchery. I have been rolling this one around in my head for a long time, and if you've ever done any coaching or classes with me, you've probably heard me talk about this. It does feel so deeply true [laugh] to me. So today's episode is about why you teach what you have to learn, why you are in this world, sharing the very thing that you are figuring out. That's what this is about. 

So I coach a lot of coaches. I coach a lot of coaches, a lot of entrepreneurs, a lot of creative folks. I mean, really, I help helpers [laugh], yeah, and these helpers are generally helping in a specific way or a specific realm. And I think there's maybe an assumption or a popular conception that if I'm helping you with something, that means I'm good at it. It is something that I have mastered, right? 

Like, if I'm helping you with your math homework, that means I'm good at math, for example. Or if I'm helping you with your money mindset, it's because I'm good with my money mindset. I think that's the sort of popular assumption. But in my experience, that's not actually how it works. That's not really what's happening. 

I love to use the example of my Grammy Christine [sp] trying to teach me how to knit for this, right? My grandmother was an incredibly talented knitter. She had been knitting like since the age of 6 years old. She was so good at it, and when she tried to teach me how to knit, it didn't work, because [laugh] knitting was second nature to her.

She couldn't slow her hands down enough to really show me, a teenager who's struggling with the movements, to show me what to do. She was just so good at it that she couldn't teach me. She couldn't really help me. The way I learned to knit was by taking a little workshop in college from a fellow college student who had taught herself how to knit. 

This is how it works, I think. It's actually not the thing we are good at or that is easy for us that we're here to help people with. Actually, it is the thing that we ourselves are figuring out. And I want you to notice the verb tense I chose there. I didn't say it's the thing we have figured out; it's the thing we are always figuring out. It's the thing we are here to figure out. 

It's the thing that, as an astrologer once said to me, it's like humanity has all of these group projects that we're figuring out. We're all working on these group projects. We're working on how to be kind to ourselves. We're working on how to be kind to one another. We're working on how to more fully express ourselves. We're working on how to be parents, how to be stewards of the Earth, right? 

We've got all of these complex and tricky projects that we are working on, and it is the thing that we are ourselves continually figuring out. That is the thing that is very best for us to help other people with.

Now, what often happens is, because we have this kind of popular assumption that the thing you should teach or share is the thing you're really good at, when people are totally doing the work they're meant to do in the world, meaning, the person who is figuring out how to be more fully self-expressed, the person who's figuring out how to be more visible is the person who is teaching and helping other people with that same thing, or the person who is figuring out how to feel more confident with money and making money and charging money for their services, that person who is always figuring it out is a great person to help other people figure out how to charge more money and how to feel OK with money, right? 

Like, the money coach is always figuring out the money problem. The visibility coach is always figuring out visibility. The writer who herself is figuring out how to write in a sustainable way is a perfect person to teach other writers how to create in a sustainable way. You see what I'm saying here, right? 

Those people often feel like imposters or feel like frauds. They're like, "Ugh, here I'm trying to help other people step into leadership with confidence, but I don't always feel confident in my own leadership." Right? That popular conception of the teacher as the expert, as the person who is amazing at the thing they're teaching, gives the false impression that if you yourself are still figuring out whatever it is you're teaching, that you must not be fit to teach it—and the opposite is actually true in my opinion. 

Once upon a time, I was a yoga teacher trainer. I taught in a yoga teacher training program. And, invariably, these aspiring yoga teachers would feel super concerned about their inability to do certain things, right? So there may be an aspiring yoga teacher who has a really tough time sitting for meditation, or an aspiring yoga teacher who has a really tough time with—I don't know—wheel pose, triangle pose, whatever.

I would always reassure these aspiring teachers that whatever the thing was, the pose, the aspect of the practice that they found the most difficult, that was exactly what they would become known for teaching incredibly well, precisely because it didn't come easily to them, precisely because they had to disassemble that pose, and figure out all of the different parts, precisely because they needed in their own bodies to warm up into the practice or posture. 

They had to take it apart, and put it back together again and again. And in the end, probably, they never will have fully mastered the performance of the pose or practice. But they will have figured out so many different inroads. They will have deeply understood the various aspects of what's involved in the pose or practice.

You've probably heard the saying: those who can't do teach. And I think this is the truth in it. Yeah. If it is a challenge but a challenge that you are willing to keep accepting [laugh], then this is the perfect thing for you to help other people with. 

So I would reassure these yoga teachers, "Oh, downward-facing dog is just perpetually difficult for you? Congratulations. You are going to be the most incredible, insightful, helpful teacher of downward-facing dog. I know it." 

And, you know, back to my original examples, feeling good about money is perpetually challenging for you? Amazing. You are going to be so good at helping other people figure out how to feel good about money. 

Visibility, standing out? That's something that's like, oh [laugh], it's like something you're always working on? Amazing. You are going to be an incredible visibility coach. 

Writing in a whole self-honoring way is something that you've been working on, and are still working on? Amazing. Teach that. Help with that. 

OK. So I do want to articulate, I think, the three component parts of why it is that your most powerful work to share is your most powerful personal work. Right? And so the first is what I just explained to you, right? Because it's challenging for you, you are always learning so much about it, right? Like, your understanding of this project is nuanced. It's complex. You've taken it apart, and put it back together. So that's one piece. 

Another piece that I really think is so vital is because it's still a challenge for you, you get to stay humble about it. And that humility is what helps you connect much more deeply with the person you're helping. 

For example, I am here to help people trust that they can be their whole selves. I'm here to help people trust that they really can do what they want, and that when they are their whole selves, and when they do what they want, that's where they'll find ease and flow and abundance and fulfillment and vivacity, all the things, yeah?

I myself am always working on this. I'm always working on this. Self-trust is something that I myself need to cultivate. Whole self-honoring, loving and accepting all of my parts, that's something I'm always working on. Doing what I truly want, not what's expected of me, not what would please other people but what I want, that's something I'm always working on.

When I am coaching someone, someone who is afraid, afraid to show their whole selves, someone who is having a really difficult time figuring out what they want, because there are so many expectations weighing so heavily on them, when I am helping that person, I connect with them more deeply because I myself am doing a version of that too, and I have been doing a version of that for like decades. 

I'm like the woman in college watching my hands fumbling over yarn and knitting needles, knowing just what that feels like, and saying, "OK, OK, wait. Hold on just a second. Try this. Try holding it this way. Oh, OK, that doesn't work. Oh, you know what, try putting the yarn over here instead of over there." Right? 

She herself knew the awkwardness that I was experiencing, and could meet me there in a way that my incredibly naturally talented grandma could not. So when the money coach says to me, "Ugh, I feel like a fraud. I'm out here trying to help people feel confident about their money, trying to help people with their money mindset, but I myself am really afraid about money right now," to me, that isn't fraudulence. 

To me, that is an invitation to keep working on it, to practice what you preach, to relate more deeply, more thoroughly, more authentically with the person you want to help, to be like, hey, I am right here with you, and I've been here for a long time, and I've figured out a thing or two about this territory, about where the pitfalls are, about what we need. I'm still here. I'm still figuring it out, and/but you can walk with me. 

And, listen, if you want to be really courageous, letting go of that expert mantle or pedestal or veil—I don't know—whatever you want to call it, letting go of that and talking about how, yeah, this is something I'm still working on, that is so incredibly powerful, and admirable, and begins to help us all let go of this bullshit paradigm that there's someone who's figured it all out, and that's the person to listen to, you know?

I read recently an article in The New York Times, an interview with Emily Nagoski. Emily Nagoski wrote a book called Come As You Are. Her new book is Come Together about sexuality, and specifically women's sexuality, and how popular conceptions about women's sexuality actually don't do justice to the way that it works.

And this article in The New York Times—maybe you saw it too—was about how as she was writing and then touring, talking about these books, her own sex life was really, really challenging—challenging for a variety of reasons. Here's the woman who literally wrote the books—plural—on improving our understanding of and therefore experience of sex and sexuality, herself having to work on improving sex and sexuality.

To me, this makes her the perfect person to help with that. She gets it. When someone in an audience asks her a question, she's not answering from up on high; she's answering from right there in the trenches with that person. I fucking love that. 

And so like you, I want to help you love your whole self. I want to help you create a whole self-honoring life. I want to help free you from all of the expectations that have weighed so heavily upon you for your whole life. I want to help you with all of that stuff, because I am working on all of that stuff, and I've made some headway, but I'm still working on it. 

OK. So this brings me to the third aspect of why I think it's so important to teach what we ourselves have to learn, and that's this. The more I am working on this project, the more levels of this project I experience. The more my practice in this project evolves, the more innovative I become. 

Maybe in the very beginning for me, doing what I wanted, and honoring my whole self looked something like deciding to offer at my yoga studio a workshop that was a little bit coachy, right? Maybe once upon a time, putting that coachy workshop out into the world felt like a big, expressive, whole self-honoring step—so I did it.

And now, years later, what I am creating is even more innovative. It's even riskier. It's a little scarier. I mean, listen, my next retreat to New Mexico this summer, Luminous in Taos includes a session with an artist who is going to draw you as nude as you are willing to be. And that is because on my own journey to love and honor my whole self more and more, I found the experience of commissioning a nude portrait of myself to be so incredibly empowering that I was like, all right, let's build this into a retreat.

I am myself taking it all to a next level. I'm able to offer it at a next level because I'm still in the challenge. I'm still over here saying, for my work in the world, I want to do exactly what I want to do. I want to trust that when I create from a place of my own impulse and desire that it will work. 

Am I a little anxious about it? Yeah, totally. And the whole reason I am really good at helping other people trust themselves to create what they want is because I am still figuring out how to trust myself to create what I want. And I'm doing it at a deeper level. Oh, I never know what to say here. It's like, is it a higher level, a deeper level? Anyway, it's with more intensity, right? 

This isn't just a workshop; this is a whole week. And this isn't $49; this is $10,000. Because I am relentlessly [laugh], hopelessly committed to this project, this project of trusting myself to do what I want, this project of learning how to honor more and more and more of myself, I'm committed to these projects, and so I've made some headway with them.

And what I hear from you, I mean, maybe not you specifically but from people out there [laugh], what I hear is that you can feel that I'm right there in it with you. You can feel that I'm walking the talk. I'm not just talking it. 

I don't pretend to have it all figured out and, very frankly, anyone who does pretend to have it all figured out, I don't think that is the best teacher or coach, because I believe we teach about or coach on the very thing we are ourselves still learning. 

So quickest review, those three components, number one, because you are figuring it out, and because it doesn't come easily to you, you actually understand it better. You have to. You understand the components. You understand the pitfalls. You understand that there's always a little more to it.

Because you are still figuring it out, you can more deeply, more empathetically, more authentically connect with the other people who are struggling, the other people who are still figuring it out. And then, finally, because you are still figuring it out, your understanding will evolve. It will get more nuance. It will get more depth. It will get more intensity. 

And this means that you are growing. This means that you are innovating. This means that you are able to meet and support and maybe—maybe—even guide people who are at various points in their own process around this project. 

It's the very, very best news if you are teaching what you are still figuring out, especially if you are willing to admit that you are still figuring it out, especially then, because that means that you are in full integrity. That means that you are open to keep learning and to keep evolving, and there is so much power in that.

All right. That is your Mind Witchery for today. Thank you, as always, so much for listening. Thank you also for sharing this episode with someone you think might really need to hear it. I would love that. And thanks so much for tuning in next time. Bye for now.

Thank you for listening to this episode of Mind Witchery. To catch all the magic I’m offering, please subscribe to the show, or if you want a little bit of weekly witchiness in your inbox, sign up for my Sunday Letter at mindwitchery.com. If today’s episode made you think of a friend or loved one, your sister, your neighbor, please tell them about it. We need more magic-makers in this troubled world. 

Like all good things, this podcast is co-created by stellar people. Our music is by fabulous DJ, artist, and producer, Shammy Dee. Our gorgeous art is by the sorcerers at New Moon Creative. Mind Witchery is produced in conjunction with Particulate Media, K.O. Myers, executive producer. And I am Natalie Miller. Till next time. 

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