Rekindling: Self-Replenishment in the Age of Burnout

This week I’m continuing my creative adjustment,

giving myself time to let my brain and heart rest and recharge.

I’m resharing an episode of Mind Witchery

all about replenishing the self.

If you’re out here with big dreams and a big heart

in the not-so-golden Age of Burnout, this is the spell for you.

Press play to learn all about Treats:

what they are, when to use them,

and how they will completely charm your life.

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Mentioned:

Better Than Before by Gretchen Rubin

Subscribe to the Mind Witchery Sunday Letter, for sparks of inspiration in your Inbox each weekend.

Make Magic:

Create a Treats Menu - a whole bunch of ways large and small you can love on yourself.

Notice how your days go when you practice Treats as fuel. What happens to your mood? Your to-do list?

Remember: Treats Practice is likely going to unearth limiting beliefs. Get curious about how else they might be messing with you, and use Treats Practice to gently challenge them.

Transcript: Rekindling: Self-Replenishment in the Age of Burnout

Natalie Miller:

Hello, my love. Okay. My little creative sabbatical continues. And so this is another rekindling. This episode is one of my earliest. This is a spell for self-replenishment, and the reason it was one of my earliest episodes is, I am sure, because this is one of my key concepts.

I deeply, truly believe that in order to be the people we want to be, in order to do the things we want to do, we must have fuel. We must have fuel, we must have pleasure, we must have good vibes and lots of energy.

And I think interestingly, for lots of reasons, a puritanical cultural influence primary among them, uh, what we often do is we think of deferring our pleasure until after the work is done. We say we will recharge after the battery is completely spent.

And so this spell, the spell for self-replenishment, turns that on its head, and talks about a way I find for me, for my clients, like, practically challenges that dominant narrative. And instead creates a way of beginning to do and to be from a fully charged, madly in love with life sort of place. All right, please enjoy and please practice this spell for self-replenishment.

Welcome to Mind Witchery. I’m your host, Natalie Miller, and I’m so glad you’re here. 

Hi. Thank you for pressing play on this episode today on the spell for self-replenishment. I'm so glad that you're here, and I want to begin actually by asking how are you, like, really? An answer that kind of goes deeper than the social pleasantries answer. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm busy. How are you? And if you, like your cell phone, had a little battery symbol, a little gauge by which I could see how fully charged you are or not, what would that show right now? What would your little battery gauge read?

My phone has a thing called low power mode. When I have 20% battery or less, it asks me if I'd like to be in low power mode. And to be very honest [laugh], over the past couple of days, I felt like I was recovering from operating in low power mode. So for me, and hopefully for you, today's spell, the spell for self-replenishment is right on time.

So today's spell is a bit of a follow-up to last week's spell. I hope you listen to that one. It's called the spell for sustaining your growth. But, don't worry, it's not a prerequisite or anything. That spell goes like this. To ask more from myself, I must give more to myself, meaning, the more that I want to do, the more that I want to grow, the better I want to be, the more I'm going to need to take care of myself, and rest.

So I used a metaphor to describe the concept behind that spell, and that metaphor was a car on a road trip. Like, the more you're asking of your vehicle, if you're asking it to drive up a hill, if you're asking it to travel through rough terrain, the more fuel it will need. And the same is for you. The more you're asking of yourself, the more fuel you will need.

So I got that spell from Gretchen Rubin, and from her amazing book Better Than Before, which I very much recommend. Gretchen's book is also what introduced me to the concept that I'm talking about today in the spell for self-replenishment, and that concept is treats. So here it is, the spell for self-replenishment.

Treats are fuel. Treats are a way to recharge our batteries. Treats are fuel for our growth, for our better habits, for our ability to care for other people. Treats are fuel. So let me tell you a little bit about what a treat is. When Gretchen introduces treats in Better Than Before, she tells us that treats are little or big bits of self-love, a pleasant experience that you have that you indulge for no reason at all. 

Get ready, my friend, because in this episode I am going to give you a lot of examples of treats. I'm going to do this because I find that treats are sort of surprisingly difficult for people to come up with at first. We think of cliché treats like, "Oh, I'll get a mani-pedi, or I'll take a bath, or I need to go on a big vacation." And those certainly all could be treats, but treats are much more than that. 

So I'm going to give you ample examples of things that are treats for me or things that have been favorite go-to treats for my friends and my clients. And I hope that they will help to spark your imagination and your conjuring up of what might be a treat for you.

Some little treats might include writing with a nice pen, or taking a bath. A little treat is driving the scenic route instead of the interstate. It's drinking sparkling water in a pretty glass with a slice of lemon. A little treat is stopping to smell your neighbor's roses, or it's buying yourself a dozen roses to bring home.

A little treat is knitting or painting or lounging for 20 minutes in the middle of the day. It's reading a paperback with a pretty cover. A little treat is getting an Uber rather than dealing with parking downtown. A little treat is taking an hour on a Tuesday afternoon to Zoom with your faraway friend.

There are also bigger treats, of course. A bigger treat might be a spa day, massages, and facials. A bigger treat might be taking a whole personal day, and dedicating it entirely to doing whatever you want. A bigger treat might be going on a weekend getaway or having your car completely detailed. A bigger treat might be investing in something luxurious, like really nice pajamas or a fancy teapot. A bigger treat might be purchasing a work of art that makes your heart sing. 

Almost anything really can be a treat. Treats can be expensive or they can cost nothing at all. I find that treats are highly individual specific. So for some people like me, going grocery shopping is a treat. For real, this is a treat for me. I love going especially to like an organic market or a co-op. I love the way they smell. I love browsing the produce. I love going through all of the natural potions. I love it. 

For other people, not so much. But for other people, something like a camping overnight might be a treat. That would not be me. [laugh] I'm not so much into the camping. So the main guideline for what constitutes a treat is this. Treats are enlivening pleasures. They help you to be present, to wake up to and connect with life's abundance. 

So really there's just a couple things that treats are not. Treats are not numbing agents, so they aren't activities or things that disconnect you or dull your experience. Remember, they're enlivening. They help you connect. 

So an episode or two of a great show might be a treat, but a four-hour binge of whatever is on HGTV might become more of a numbing experience. Many of you maybe have had this experience where Netflix asks you, "Are you still watching?" [laugh] So by the time that little message comes up, you've probably moved past treat and into transfixion. 

Similarly, a margarita or a glass of wine might be a treat. It might be tasty and fun. But a pitcher of margaritas or a bottle of wine probably makes for a dulled experience, disconnected experience. OK? So treats are not numbing, and so sometimes that's a quantity thing, and sometimes it's just, you know, what is disconnecting for you.

OK. Treats are also not shoulds. They are wants. OK? So a treat is what you actually want, not what you want to want. So a salad could definitely be a treat but only if you really want it. If you're having the salad because you want to want it, it's not a treat anymore. In that case, if you want a scone, eat a scone. You want a cookie? Eat a cookie. That's a treat. 

A workout could be a treat, but only if you really feel like working out, or only if you get into it. If you're pushing yourself through, if you really don't want to, it's not a treat. If you're like, "Ugh, what I really want to do is take a nap but, you know what, I like the idea of me as the person that goes to the gym," treat yourself, take a nap, and then you will become the kind of person who has the energy to go to the gym. OK? So treats are not shoulds. Treats are wants. 

One more thing. Treats are not rewards. This is something that Gretchen Rubin is really clear about in her book. You don't earn treats. Treats are just because. So this is not a, "When I finish my taxes, then I'll go get a facial," kind of situation, because in that scenario, a facial is a reward for finishing your taxes. First, you'll finish your taxes, and then you'll reward yourself with a facial. 

So it's not, "OK, let me just get through this crazy week, and then I'll give myself a day off." If the day off is a treat, the day off is happening in the middle of the crazy week. I don't know about you, but I personally don't have a ton of success with the whole let me reward myself for good behavior strategy of self-motivation.

If I try to push myself to accomplish something, and withhold the treat, I end up cranky, I end up resentful, and I end up not as focused and energetic for the task at hand. OK? So, for example, if I'm super tired, and I tell myself, "You know, I'll go sit out on the patio after I clean up the kitchen," what likely will happen is that I will intersperse my kitchen cleaning up with some doddling on social media or browsing through podcasts. 

So doing the dishes takes like twice as long. And when my kid comes in, and asks if there are any clean spoons, I snap at her because I'm already running on fumes. I'm already doing something I don't want to be doing, and so I'm extra irritable. 

The idea here is that I would go sit on the patio, and just have a moment of resting, maybe digesting the dinner that I just ate, listening to the birds, enjoying the light of the sunset, and I would do that. And then I would go in, and I would have the wherewithal to handle the project of the messy kitchen in a more resourceful way. 

In fact, once I've got my wits about me, maybe there are all kinds of ways this kitchen could get clean. For example, maybe my family could help me do it [laugh] rather than the one that came to mind in my exhausted place. "Ugh, I have to clean the kitchen." 

OK. Treats are fuel, not rewards. Treats don't come after you've expended energy. They precede expending energy. Treats are fuel for energy expenditure. This is pretty simple, but it's revolutionary, and it's revolutionary in so many ways.

So in my own coaching practice, I've taken Gretchen Rubin's concept of treats, and I have expanded it. I have run with it. I have found that treats are an excellent treatment. [laugh] Treats are treatment that helps people who tend to over-do, over-give, people who are burned out. So treats serve a bunch of functions that are helpful for people like this. And that's me, by the way, so I know from experience. 

OK. First, treats dramatically improve everyday life; they just do. I want you to imagine for a moment a day infused with treats, large and small, at your breakfast table, on your desk, in the middle of your day, a day infused with the permission to enjoy yourself, and even a prioritization of enjoying yourself. Imagine that. Treats in this way lift your mood, and they also help you to be present. 

I think I've mentioned before on the show that right now my jungle of houseplants is a major treat fest for me when I spend 20 minutes fussing over them. I'm checking out their growth. I'm turning them so that they can have even light exposure. I'm checking their water. I'm noticing new buds and blossoms and leaves. 

These are 20 minutes that I am really present. I'm engaged. I'm in my body. I'm present to my environment. I'm marveling at the miracle of life, and I am enjoying myself. Those are 20 minutes I'm not pushing. I'm not scrolling the socials. I'm not checking the email. I'm neither overworking nor numbing myself. I am enjoying living. 

That same effect can come from making myself a snack plate, and eating it in my favorite chair. It could come from cuddling with my dog Kevin for seven minutes. Kevin is a total treat. [laugh] I mean, he's a rascal also, but he's a treat.

So treats help us to come alive, to be in the present moment, and to enjoy our lives. When you try it, you will see and I think be amazed how enlivening and emboldening making yourself a plate of sliced strawberries can be, how incredibly replenishing 20 minutes sitting on your porch with a magazine can be.

All right. So, two, treats tend to be really helpful for revealing the limiting beliefs and self-judgments that hold us back in bigger ways. Treats are great for this. As you begin practicing treating yourself, keep a gentle and compassionate ear toward what your inner voices have to say about you living in this way.

OK. So, for example, let's say you really want to take the afternoon off, and you start to make moves towards doing that. But then an inner voice pops up and is like, "Seriously? A whole afternoon off, like, a Thursday, when you haven't even finished that project yet? [sigh] This kind of laziness is why you will never make good money."

So there it is, the limiting belief. My laziness is why I'll never make good money. If that belief is in there, I am sure it is not only inhibiting your afternoon off. I bet it's a fear that keeps you from taking your vacation time. I bet it's a fear that might even be keeping you from going for the kind of work that you really want to do in this world.

So it's actually really good to get these beliefs up and out in the open and, even better, treats will help you to challenge those beliefs in small ways so you can chip away at them a little bit, and free yourself from them in the bigger sense. Because here is what I know. When you tell that little judgy voice, "Hey, thank you for your input. But actually the way that I'm trying to push through right now isn't really working, and this, which I know really believes that treats are going to give me the energy I need to finish the project, and I want to give that a try."

You tell yourself, "Thank you, but I'm going to do this anyway," and you take the afternoon off, and then you show yourself that the treat of the afternoon did not actually lead to the collapse of your earning potential. In fact, I bet you will see the exact opposite, that taking the afternoon off enabled you to come back with more energy, or have a moment actually to think through something that was problematic in the project. 

I bet you are going to see that the more you treat yourself, the more energy, the more life force, the more courage you have to step all the way into your earning potential. So treats will reveal your limiting beliefs, and they'll help you to challenge them in fairly low-stakes ways that end up having fairly high-stakes results.

OK. Three, treats awaken your connection to desire. A couple episodes ago, I gave you a spell for getting unstuck. The spell for getting unstuck is asking yourself the question, "What do I want to do?" That's a simple question, but it's actually, as I say in that episode, not always so easy to answer. Our culture [laugh] has taught us that desire is dangerous and destructive and bad and wrong. And so asking ourselves, "What do I want to do?" and then answering, honestly, right, not with what we want to want but [laugh] what we really do want, it's big, and it's difficult for a lot of people. 

I have to tell you that it's really quite often that I come across a client who is so overextended, they're so depleted in their lives that they cannot even answer the question, "What do you want?" It's like, you know when you get super, super, super hungry, like overly hungry, and then you're trying to figure out what to eat, and you're just like, "I'm starving, but nothing even sounds good"? It's like that. 

So treats will help you to reconnect to desire in a couple of ways. First, they're going to help you to replenish to the point where you can shift out of that desperate [laugh] fight, flight, freeze mode, and see your world more clearly. And then, second, they will help you reconnect with desire itself. 

Kind of like with limiting beliefs, it'll help you to see that when you follow your desires, life does not in fact crumble around you; that when you do what you want, you go with what you want, you actually become more pleasant, rather than hideously selfish. You become more patient, and more able to go with the flow in life, because you've opened up to the flow of your desire. 

All right. So, one, treats dramatically improve your everyday life. Two, they reveal and challenge your limiting beliefs. Three, they help you connect with desire, which is your most potent manifesting power.

There is one more effective treats though, and this one is my favorite. Treats generate abundance consciousness. This I have seen again and again, and I see it in my life all the time. As I begin consciously to treat myself, my general mood improves, and my sources of pleasure diversify. 

As I consciously treat myself, I become so much more aware of the simple pleasures that have been here all along: my neighbor's beautiful flower garden; the miracle of how perfectly my favorite mug sits in my hand; the way that the light streams in through my favorite window, and highlights the leaves of my favorite plants in the morning; the sound of my daughters laughing together.

My clients often tell me that when they begin practicing treating themselves, it's almost like they wake up to the lives they already have, and how good they already are. They realize, "My life is full of treats. I've just been too worn out to even notice." 

So when I treat myself, when I'm present, when I'm on purpose putting my attention and intention toward enjoying and appreciating my life, I get potent presence. I'm not as scattered. I'm not as frantic. I'm attentive. It's easier to focus.

I'm not just going through the motions of life. I am living. I feel I can promise you as you do this, you will like your life. You will like yourself more and more. 

All right. The spell for self-replenishment is, treats are fuel. But this one, you've got to practice. The magic comes when you actually treat yourself. So let's review. What's a treat? A treat is an enlivening pleasure that helps you to be present, that connects you with life's abundance. 

So they might be vibrant. They might be serene. They might be energizing. They might be restful. It depends on the vibe that you are craving. Treats are what you actually want in the moment, not what you want to want, not what everyone else wants, what you want. 

Treats give you life by helping you to receive, to be present in the miracle of your life. So when do you treat yourself? All the time. All the time. You cannot over-treat, I really don't think that you can, especially if you're following that guideline that treats are enlivening and not numbing.

I find that, for me, a good little kind of cue that I need a treat is when I start to feel myself disconnecting. You know that kind of mindless reach for the smartphone, and you're just like, "Let me open an app, any app. [laugh] Let me just get on some social feed that I can scroll"? That can totally be a cue to pause and ask, "OK, what would be an excellent treat right now?"

Another great time to give yourself a treat is when you're having a really hard time being present, so if you're having trouble focusing, if you're having trouble being patient. You know, we are taught to judge and punish ourselves when it's hard to focus or when it's hard to be patient. But I really believe that these are symptoms of overextension, symptoms of overwork. They're not character flaws; they're just signs that we're doing too much. So treat yourself before you work. Treat yourself while you work. Remember, treats are not rewards; treats are fuel. 

What counts as a treat? This is as individual and quirky as you are. I had a list of mine at the beginning of the episode. If it's tough for you to come up with treats in the moment, you might create a little treats menu for yourself. Here are a few different categories to consider.

So I love to go for body and self-care. What would my body like? A stretch, a walk, an orgasm, a snack, a beverage, time in the sun, time in the water. Checking in with your body is a great way to figure out how to treat yourself. 

Another thing to consider is how you might bring pleasure to your various senses in everyday experience. So what would be lovely to see around you? What would be lovely to smell? I love essential oils and candles as treats.

What would be lovely to taste? What would be nice to hear? Maybe if I open the windows, and I hear the birdsong, for example. And how about textures? What would be nice to touch? I think that's one of my favorite things about writing with a nice pen. I love a felt-tipped pen on good paper. That makes any podcast planning totally delicious [laugh] as an experience because I just love how the pen feels on the paper.

Another category for treats are activities or items that are in season. So what's something that you love this time of year? What's something that is in season right now? What's something that is specially available in this moment? 

Creativity is a huge treat over here for me, so tools and time for creative self-expression, whatever that is for you. Maybe you love to bake. Maybe, like me, you love to tend plants or gardens. Maybe you like to knit or sew or cross-stitch. Maybe you like to work with wood. Maybe you love to dance or play an instrument. So tools and time for creative self-expression are lovely treats. 

Literature, art, music, other people's creative self-expressions can be treats. I happen to love television—I love television—and watching a good show is such a treat for me. I do have to be careful because of the medium of television that it [laugh] doesn't turn into kind of a sinking into the couch, deadening experience. So I know that in order to keep it treat-like I need to ration it for myself, but it's totally a treat to watch a show.

It might be a treat to share an experience with someone else. So some kind of together time that's really fun for you, where you're connecting in a way or over an activity that is nourishing for you, that's on your terms, that can totally be a treat as well. 

For me, I have to tell you, more often than not, alone time is a treat. So I happen to have work that keeps me connecting with people very deeply, and so, for me, sometimes disconnecting from people in order to connect with myself more deeply tends to be a treat. 

So those are just a couple of examples. But the engine of your desire is going to create so many more and, like I said, so many more specifically awesome for you kinds of treats. Not everyone loves a 1,000-piece jigsaw puzzle, but I think a [laugh] 1,000-piece jigsaw puzzle is such a treat. 

It's [laugh] highly individual what constitutes a treat, and what doesn't, and for how long, right? It's determined by your own experience. If a treat is that which enlivens you, connects you to life's abundance, then a treat is going to be very specific to the moment.

All right. I know that as you begin to treat yourself, as you believe treats are fuel, and you start to play with them a little bit, you will be presented with all kinds of limiting beliefs. Remember, that's sort of something that treats do for us. They bring those up to the surface so that we can gently challenge them.

So you may very well find yourself saying, "I don't have time for this." I invite you to remember that "I don't have time for this" is likely holding you back in all kinds of ways. You might very well find yourself saying, "Ugh, you're so selfish. Nothing is ever enough for you." And I invite you to consider [laugh] that that belief is totally affecting the way that you show up in your life.

As these beliefs arise, notice them, and it's kind of nice, right? You knew they were coming, and so here they are. Notice them. "Hey, thanks. Let's see. [laugh] Let's just try this practice and see what happens. Let me go ahead, and take the little breather that I, quote, don't have time for. Let me go ahead, and buy the organic raspberries, even though I already bought the organic strawberries, and let me see what happens," because what just might happen is that finally you have the energy to be the person that you're really always wanting to be.

OK, my friend, the spell for self-replenishment, treats are fuel. I hope that you will start to treat yourself in ways big and small, and I know that when you do, you will be amazed, truly. [laugh] You will be amazed at how different the world looks, and how differently you look at yourself. 

I would actually love to hear about how this one goes for you, for real. I would love to hear from you. So feel free to find me on the socials. You can find me @msnataliemiller on Instagram, or my backslash on Facebook is nataliekmiller. Send me a message, and tell me how it went. You are also welcome to send me an email at connect@mindwitchery.com. So I will love to hear from you, one place or another. 

This practice really does make such a huge difference in people's lives, and it brings me so much joy. It is a treat for me to read about that from you. Thanks so much for listening. Bye for now.

Thank you for listening to this episode of Mind Witchery. To catch all the magic I’m offering, please subscribe to the show, or if you want a little bit of weekly witchiness in your inbox, sign up for my Sunday Letter at mindwitchery.com. If today’s episode made you think of a friend or loved one, your sister, your neighbor, please tell them about it. We need more magic-makers in this troubled world. 

Like all good things, this podcast is co-created by stellar people. Our music is by fabulous DJ, artist, and producer, Shammy Dee. Our gorgeous art is by the sorcerers at New Moon Creative. Mind Witchery is produced in conjunction with Particulate Media, K.O. Myers, executive producer. And I am Natalie Miller. Till next time. 

End of recording