Rekindling: Cultivating Discipline

This week I’m following my own advice about creativity,

and giving myself space to rest and recharge.

I’m resharing an episode of Mind Witchery about discipline.

Do you wish you had more of it?

It is possible to become more efficient, focused, and potent in your work.

Here’s a magical reframe that can help you get there.

Subscribe! Spotify | Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | TuneIn | Pandora

Mentioned:

Gretchen Rubin’s Four Tendencies

Make Magic:

Rather than fitting yourself into someone else’s productivity box, create a habitat that supports you in your work preferences.

Consider your relationship to Time and Rhythm: WHEN do you work best? What’s a good rhythm for you? Which hours and days are best suited to which activities?

Think about Place. What kinds of environments encourage focus for you?

What motivates you? Plans? Impulse? Deadlines? Inspiration? Learning what sparks your Get It Done energy changes everything.

Transcript: Rekindling: Cultivating Discipline

Natalie Miller: Welcome to Mind Witchery. I’m your host, Natalie Miller, and I’m so glad you’re here.

Hello, my friend. Welcome to Mind Witchery. Right now, I am practicing what I preach, and I am honoring that I'm in the midst of a creative ebb. The creativity is not flowing, and so I'm not asking it to. So what I'm doing is sharing with you episodes of the show that are actually helpful for me in this moment. Like, I do need to sometimes listen to what I myself say [laugh], for whatever that's worth. Sometimes these things that I'm telling you, they're actually for me, and I need to hear them again and again.

So today's episode, the re-airing, is one of my favorites. It's about cultivating discipline. And I have a very different understanding and definition of discipline that comes from the root of the word, from disciple. And I will go into that in depth in the episode.

But the reason that's feeling up for me right now is that as I am moving into fall, and as I am guiding a new group of people into Crucible—which is a little group coaching program I have about committing to an idea, and bringing it to life—it is incredibly helpful to have a functional and inspiring definition of discipline. So this is not discipline like sit at your desk until the task is done or, you know, observe really rigid time blocks. This kind of discipline is informed by and supportive of what actually works for you. So, without further ado, here is an episode on cultivating discipline. I hope you find it arrives right on time for you.

[Music]

Hello, lovely friend. I'm so excited to talk to you about discipline. And I must admit, the title of this episode was maybe a little bit sneaky [laugh], a little bit of a trick. If you're listening, I bet, I have a hunch that you probably imagine that you don't have enough discipline. You probably—and, again, I could be wrong, but I imagine that you believe that if you had more discipline, if you were more disciplined, that you would be more efficient, that you would get way more done, that you would be more potent, and that you would delay and fuss and procrastinate less.

And [laugh] it's funny, I actually agree with you, but I am going to assert in this episode that what we consider discipline actually doesn't work [laugh] and that, in fact, in order to be disciplined, we need to redefine what discipline even is. So, you know me, I love etymology. I love to look at where words come from. And originally, in its earliest sense, discipline meant being a disciple, being a student, a committed student, being a devoted follower and learner.

And then, around the 12th century, the definition of discipline began to become more punitive. Discipline was not any longer about being a devoted student or a devoted follower, but rather it was about suffering, and reforming oneself into being a follower. So this is where the connotation of discipline as, you know, "Oh, I'm going to have to discipline the kid; I'm going to have to correct their behavior; I'm going to have to punish them," this punitive sense of the word comes in.

And, unsurprisingly, this is contemporaneous with the little glimmers of capitalism. Banks are beginning to arise. Merchants are coming up. Land-owning is becoming more and more a thing. Nation states are establishing. So white, dominant, patriarchal, and protocapitalist culture is emerging as we get this punitive sense of what discipline is.

So I'm going to argue that the way that we think about discipline is not actually humanist. It's machine-centric versus human-centric. When we think about discipline, we think about efficiency. Get more done. Profit. Produce. We don't think about learning and growing and evolving. We think about maximizing our power in a world that values productivity and profit above all else.

Here's [laugh] the thing, my friends. We will never have enough discipline to win in this world. We will never have enough discipline in this sense of the word, in this powerful, productive, profitable sense. We will never have enough discipline to satisfy the white-dominant, patriarchal, capitalistic expectation.

And, frankly, those systems are not working for the majority of humans. Those systems are not working for the planet. We need a sustainable, compassionate, equitable, humane way of being in this world. And so that means, I believe, redefining what discipline is, and thereby redefining what good work is in this world.

So if right now, we privilege profit and productivity—scaling, scaling, scaling, scaling—so many of my entrepreneurial friends hear that drumbeat in the back of their heads all the time: got to scale, got to scale, got to scale. And I don't want to say that that's bad or wrong.

And, at the same time, what does it look like when we are instead of privileging profit and productivity, what happens when we are privileging relationships? What happens when we're privileging wellness and health? What happens when we are putting equity and sustainability and balance as priorities in our good work? What happens when we decide that quality is much more important than quantity?

I think what happens when we unhook ourselves, when we detangle ourselves from the white-dominant, patriarchal, capitalistic definition of discipline and of good work, when we unhook ourselves from that, we are able to be in this world in a new way. We are able to support our coworkers, our clients, our communities in a different way.

Let me return to this idea of how we can never have enough discipline under the current dominant, oppressive model. If it is difficult for you to work in the way that white-dominant, patriarchal, capitalist culture says is the correct way to work, the right way to work, if it's difficult for you, this culture has with its puritanical roots, with its individualistic roots, this culture has convinced us [laugh], convinced you, convinced me that if it is difficult to be disciplined, it's our own fault. It wants us to blame ourselves. Ugh, you cannot focus. Ugh, you're so easily distractible and scatterbrained. You don't have discipline.

Maybe this culture has actually even diagnosed you with a disorder. [laugh] Maybe this culture said that the way that your mind works is not actually the way that human minds are supposed to work. In a culture that expects humans to be machines, that expects them to not need rest, that expects their bodies always to be, like, have an on-off switch, right? Like, your body and your brain could have an on-off switch like there aren't all kinds of vicissitudes and flows in life that we're attending to, right?

The dominant culture expects that no matter what is happening in our world, no matter what's on the news, no matter what's happening in your own life, that you can show up and get to work. And that's not the [laugh] world that we live in.

We live in a world where there are storms, emotional storms, societal storms, actual storms. We live in a world where energy ebbs and flows. We are emotional creatures. We are animals. Sometimes we need more rest than other times. We aren't machines that turn on and off.

We are humans and we are individuals. We don't all work in the same way. Some of us are morning larks, and some of us are night owls. Some of us are extroverted, and some of us are introverted, and some of us are ambiverts. We work differently, we humans. We aren't all the same.

But that's super inconvenient for a dominant culture because a dominant culture that is focused on productivity and profit above all else really needs to squeeze us into boxes, really needs to squeeze us into schedules, really needs to squeeze us into a way of working that works for it.

Many of my clients, people who are attracted to my message—maybe you—already know that it doesn't work for them. And for that reason, many of you are artists, you are entrepreneurs, or you found a way, [laugh] you found a law practice, you found a company, you've worked your way into a position where you have a little more freedom.

And maybe over the year 2020, maybe the year that disrupted, that really challenged the boxes and schedules and the office culture that we were accustomed to, maybe you were able to tap into new ways of working outside of the box that really work for you. So [laugh] how can you cultivate more discipline? Well (a) redefine it. Redefine it that discipline is not punitive. Discipline is not corrective.

There is nothing wrong with you. The way you work is the way you work. Two, become a disciple of yourself. Become a student of your own self. Get curious about what works best for you. How do you work best? If you would like to be disciplined, become a disciple of your rhythms, your preferences of what works for you, of how you act most efficiently and potently, how you get to do high-quality work in this world.

Isn't that exciting? I hope that's exciting. [laugh] I was so excited about it that, actually, I should tell you this. So I'm working right now. It is 11:15 on a Saturday morning. Usually at this time, I have just returned from the gym, from a personal training session. My partner and I go do training on Saturday mornings.

But this particular Saturday morning, our trainers are on vacation. Yay. I'm so happy that they're on vacation. So I went to the grocery store this morning instead of going to training. And as I was at the grocery store, I got really excited about this idea, this idea for this podcast, so excited that I was pausing in the aisles, opening up the notes app on my phone, and jotting down things that I wanted to say to you.

So it's 11:15 on a Saturday morning, and I am here working, but this is actually something that I know about myself. When I am inspired to create something, I need to create it right there in that moment. That's how inspiration works for me. And, yes, sometimes that means putting my fork down at the dinner table, and running off to grab a notebook.

If I'm inspired to create something, I've got to create it then and there. That's something I've learned. And, by the way, that's really inconvenient [laugh] sometimes. It's inconvenient. I would love to be inspired on demand, but it's just not the way that it works for me. This is something I've learned in my own life.

So I would like to give you a few areas to consider in your becoming a disciple of yourself, a follower of yourself, a learner, a student of your own self. So let's start with motivation, actually, since I was just talking about that. What motivates you? What do you find motivating? How does motivation work for you?

For example, I know that some people are very motivated by structure. They love to have a plan. They love to have a project plan. Other people like me are more motivated by inspiration, by experience.

I get these little visits from genius, and when genius visits, I don't say, "Oh, hey, could you come back during my writing block? I have a writing block Friday morning at nine." [laugh] Like, that's genius's—in my experience, in my own relationship with genius, genius is not amenable to that. Genius is like, "No, no, I'm here right now." And so when genius visits, I say, "Hold on, let me get my notebook."

You know, Gretchen Rubin's Four Tendencies framework can be really helpful here. Gretchen Rubin divides people into upholders, people who can be self-motivated and also others-motivated, like, they can have internal and external motivation; questioners, people who are self-motivated and for whom the why is really important as a motivator; obligers, people who are more externally motivated, and other people's expectations, other people's desires are motivating for them; and then rebels for whom motivation doesn't really come from inside or outside. Rebels actually often find that their own quirkiness, their own individuality, their identity as an individual can be motivating.

So you can go learn more about Gretchen's framework. It's amazing. I've talked about her work here before. I really love a lot of what she says because, again, it honors the individual. It does not assume that we are all the same.

So figuring out what motivates you to work, I wish I had a better word for it for me, but it's something like impulse or feeling. When I am in the mood to write, I write. When I am in the mood to record, I record. When an idea visits me, I pause right then, and I get the idea. I capture it.

And sometimes all I want to do is look up recipes for lentil soup, and make lentil soup. [laugh] And sometimes all I want to do is find a new knitting pattern, and get to knitting a sweater. And sometimes all I want to do is fuss over all of my houseplants, and I've got to do that too.

But I don't see that anymore as me being distractible. I'm very, very sensitive to my surroundings. I'm very, very sensitive to whim. I'm very, very sensitive to input. I have learned or, I should say, I am learning. I am learning to honor that.

So what inspires and motivates you? How does that work for you? You can think about what motivates you to dive into your work? What motivates you to take action? Is it sort of whimsical and inspirational and even unexpected, like it is for me? Or are you a person that ritual really works for?

Maybe you love having a ritual, and once you've done your ritual, you're ready to work. Those are only two options. It might work differently for you, but get curious. What is it that motivates you, that inspires you to dive in, to take action?

OK. Let's think now about your relationship with time, because the white-dominant, patriarchal, capitalistic sense of it is that no time is wasted, right? We work as much as we can possibly work. And you even just heard my voice get very rigid. [laugh] It's very rigid, right?

So there's lots of different things to think about here, your relationship with time. But one thing might be your relationship with time blocks. So I had a job where my boss was convinced that time blocking was the solution to every person's productivity maximization, and was like, "You've got to block."

And I want to honor that this really does work for a lot of people. This really does work for a lot of people. So blocking meaning, you know, I block out this day for calls with clients, or I block out every afternoon at X time for reviewing proposals, or I block out, you know, every morning for, you know, writing. Time blocks scheduled into the calendar, and I know this works for a lot of people.

It does not work for me. A person who is sensitive and whimsical [laugh], I can't be blocking out time. It's just not how I work best. Also for me, the quality and intensity of my presence—so, for example, I can't really have a day that I talk to clients like, oh, I'm just going to talk to all five of my clients on this one day. That will never work for me, because I am so [laugh] present, I am so open to and present with my clients that I need sort of a buffer on either side of that.

I need to prepare to be that present with my clients, and then afterwards it's sort of like I need to unplug, and I need to reset before I am able to do it, to be present with myself or to be present again in my work with another project.

So for some people, time blocking really works. For other people, time blocking really doesn't work. When we're thinking about time, we can also think about which parts of the day of the week are best suited to different kinds of engagement. So I find that generally for me, the early morning time is a great time for planning and sometimes for creating when the spirit moves me.

For me, I find that the mid-afternoon is a great time for engaging with people. So that for me is a great time for a group class or a one-on-one call or a meeting there in the middle of the day. Sometimes in the afternoon, I get another burst of creativity, but oftentimes in the afternoon, I really don't. I need to do something embodied.

Oftentimes in the afternoon, for me, it's a great time to cook while I'm listening to a video, or garden while I'm listening to a podcast. I've actually been wanting to exercise more frequently. I've discovered that that's a place where I'm not showing up as much as I'd like to, moving my body intentionally.

And so being a student of myself, being a disciple of me, I've noticed, huh, the afternoons, actually, the kind of early afternoon, 2:30-ish, 2:33, that's the time when I get the kind of call to get up out of my brain [laugh], out of my thinking mind, and into my kitchen, my body, my garden, into the world. So maybe that could be a good moment in the day to remind myself of the option to go exercise, to go move my body. That's something that I'm playing with right now. Maybe that works for me. So that's another way of thinking about time.

One more thing: rhythm. What is your relationship with the on and off? So, for example, I know some people who really like to go on for like three days in the week, really like a 7:00 to 7:00, do, do, do, and then to have the other four days of the week much more open, much more restful or less on. Rhythm, the on off, like, I have definitely discovered that for me—of course, I'm bringing a metaphor here—but for me, the rhythm, I think, is like a waltz.

It's like, do, play, rest, do, play, rest, do, play, rest. Like the do is potent. I really sit and I make it happen. But then the play, rest has to be very, very light. So for me, I think there's sort of a waltzing rhythm.

Some people like something more like a nice four-four time march, where they're like, OK, from 9:00 to 11:00, I do this. From 11:00 to 1:00, I do this. From 1:00 to 3:00, I do this. From 3:00 to 5:00, I do this. Right? Some people really like that kind of rhythm.

And then some of you out there—I am sending you twinkly fingers and hugs—my rebel friends out there, for you it's like jazz. You can't be in one rhythm. You can't be in one rhythm. It's got to kind of lilt and flow, and rise and fall, and get a little wild and messy, and then resolve, and that's OK too, but getting curious about what's the rhythm that really works because here's something that I've figured out.

If I try to do, do, do, do, and not do any play, rest, I very quickly am off my game—very quickly. So I'm always looking for what are the ways I can integrate and honor the play, rest? Understanding that for me, that's not procrastination. That's not dicking around. For me, that is essential to the rhythm of my work. That enables and energizes the rhythm of my work.

So being a disciple of your relationship to time, you know, something I discovered recently is that I love working a bit on Sundays. My Sundays personally are a bit melancholy if I don't do some work. What's that about? I don't know. Listen, I have like an astrological explanation. I have [laugh] all kinds of like reasons why.

It doesn't really matter why. But I've discovered that, for me, waking up on Sunday morning, and writing a letter, looking at my podcast plan for the week, maybe having a client conversation, that makes for a really happy Sunday for me. And for me, Tuesdays are a great day to say, hmm, I don't really work afternoon on Tuesday, or maybe I don't work at all on Tuesday. It sort of depends.

Again, for me, my relationship with time needs to be more flexible and free. I'm not a blocker. I'm not a calendar follower. I only find that confining. I need to be free to be impulsive, to be receptive, to be responsive.

OK. One more place to think about, and that is place, your where, where you work best. This is really interesting, I think. So someone asked a question like on a Facebook group the other day, like, where do you work? And there are some people for whom office space is so important, like, having a dedicated clear space.

I sort of would love to be a person like that. [laugh] I wish I could be a person like that. I've never been a person like that. I am personally a roamer when it comes to working. I'm a roamer. You'll find me on the couch. You'll find me in a chair in my bay window, surrounded by houseplants. You'll find me at the dining room table. You'll find me sometimes in my bed. I try not to but, every once in a while, that's just where I want to be.

I'm a roamer and, when I think back, I've always been a roamer. I imagine myself in college, and I went to college pre-cell phones, pre-textability. But my friends always knew the kind of three or four pockets where Natalie might be working, right?

Oh, this computer lab or that computer lab, oh, the forum in either like this spot or that spot or, you know, you might find her in the library, but it'll be like down in the music room or [laugh] whatever, right? Like, it was always someplace different because I am a roamer. I'm a roamer when I work. And I wish I were a person that loved an office space, but I don't, right?

Now, you may need that. You may need that. You may really thrive having a clear, clean, dedicated-to-work space. I have a lot of friends who actually are really missing going in to work or going to a coffee shop. I know that's a roaming place that I miss going to.

So where do you work best? Where do you work best? That is a great question. I hope you are excited. I hope you are excited to revise your relationship with this idea of discipline.

Rather than trying to structure yourself, rather than trying to correct your way of being in this world, rather than trying to conform to someone else's idea of what works best, and I hope rather than relentlessly privileging productivity and profit above all else, I hope that opening up your conception of what discipline could be, that discipline could be self-understanding, that discipline could be being a student of, a follower of yourself, a student of what works for you, a follower of your own rhythms and desires.

The sort of amazing thing that happens in my experience is that the more disciplined I get in that sense of the word, the more I become devoted to working in and to understanding the way that works for me, my own self. What happens is I do become more potent in my work. I do become more efficient. I'm not working against myself.

I do get more done, but even [laugh] I want to be careful there, right, because that's that quantity over quality. Even better than getting more done, what I get done gets done well, thoroughly. Like, I coach powerfully. I write powerfully.

This is beautiful. This is the point. And it comes from honoring myself, being a student of my own tendencies, motivations, rhythms, my relationship with time and place, my relationship with motivation, what motivates me, how I get motivated, how I work best. And the beauty of it is that with that framework, what I find is I cannot help but privilege things like balance, my health, my relationships, my family, my colleagues, my clients.

When I'm a student of the way I work best, I show up for them in a way that's best for me. We co-create it, actually. I have high-quality work to show for it. And that really is what's most important to me.

So a spell for cultivating discipline, I am a disciple of my own self. I am learning to be devoted to my rhythms. I am learning to understand and to honor what motivates, energizes, inspires me. I am committed to working in the way that works for me. I am a disciple of myself.

I'm so excited for you to play with this, to explore it, to stop beating yourself up for not being faster, bigger, better, more, to let all that shit go, and instead to trust that when you figure out what works for you, and you begin to honor it, you are opening up the possibility of a world that works not just for white-dominant, patriarchal, capitalist culture but a world that works for all of us.

Thank you for listening. Go put that into practice. Bye for now.

Thank you for listening to this episode of Mind Witchery. To catch all the magic I’m offering, please subscribe to the show, or if you want a little bit of weekly witchiness in your inbox, sign up for my Sunday Letter at mindwitchery.com. If today’s episode made you think of a friend or loved one, your sister, your neighbor, please tell them about it. We need more magic-makers in this troubled world.

Like all good things, this podcast is co-created by stellar people. Our music is by fabulous DJ, artist, and producer, Shammy Dee. Our gorgeous art is by the sorcerers at New Moon Creative. Mind Witchery is produced in conjunction with Particulate Media, K.O. Myers, executive producer. And I am Natalie Miller. Till next time.

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