What you need when you're failing to thrive 🌱

Once upon a time, I took a fancy new job,

and ooh it all felt so GOOD and brilliant and dream-come-true.

I had such regard for myself and my talents,

and I couldn't wait to dive right in and start working my magic.

I was so dazzled - so confident! - that I brushed away many, many signs

that my fancy new work environment was not the healthiest.

The longer I stayed, the less good and brilliant I felt.

My confidence in myself, and my sense of my talents and magic, became less and less accessible.

By the end, I was exhausted, emotionally and intellectually.

I was more self-critical and self-doubtful than ever before.

Everything was so hard. I couldn't seem to do anything right.

I felt like crap, all the time.

And worst of all, I blamed myself, and thought:

Perhaps I was wrong about me.

Perhaps I'm not so magic, after all.

*

As you may know, I love houseplants.

Here's a truth they offer:

in order to thrive, we require an environment conducive to our growth and wellbeing.

If you put a plant in a dark corner,

and give it only dirty dishwater,

it will struggle.

The problem, here, is not with the plant.

There is nothing wrong with, or lacking in, the plant.

There is everything wrong with its environment, and treatment.

*

When I was struggling in my own dark corner, I felt so incredibly stuck.

I had neither the energy nor the confidence to conjure something better.

Because I blamed and thus seriously doubted myself,

I couldn't even really imagine how much different it could be in an environment that supported my growth and wellbeing.

And I had a hard time gathering the self-regard to try to find one.

Oh my friend, I hope this isn't you right now.

I hope this letter finds you in a sunny window of a workplace,

tended with love and care and the highest regard.

But if this letter finds you with your magic sputtering,

and your body wilting,

please know:

the problem isn't you.

You will do so much better, when you are treated so much better.

You are FULL of magic.

If you've forgotten, I can help you remember.

love,

Natalie

The power of the paradox